Grandma Jane

Sometimes when I'm writing, I bounce ideas off my four year old.

He's actually quite helpful, especially since right now I'm working on writing some children's books. He's the perfect guinea pig.

My Grandmother was a teacher and also a writer. I remember receiving long, typed letters from her. She often encouraged me in the pursuit of education and especially writing, since I shared with her that it was something I wanted to do. I remember her giving me very specific advice. I wish I still had them, perhaps they are laying around somewhere in a box at my parents' house. Before she passed she even managed to write a book herself. A family history and genealogy that she dedicated and gifted to all of her grand kids.

I'm not a super spiritual person...that is, I don't have prophetic dreams, or have some sort of magnified other-worldly connection. But I feel like my grandmother is pushing me and guiding me in this endeavor, especially in this one particular story. I think about her all the time lately when I'm writing. I wonder how she might like this story idea, I even have a sort of conversation with her in my head, ask for advice on a word or phrase.

I'm still fairly young as a writer, but I know enough to realize that anything I do creatively is not just me and my own talent, that there is a spiritual component to creativity, whether it's God, or my ancestors, that offer insight, encouragement, or completely work through me. I've felt it before in music, when the song comes so easily and then you step back and say, "wow, did I just write that?" It's when I completely open myself up to let God work through me, instead of just relying on myself, that I am able to do my best work. It's comforting too, to know that I don't have to do it alone.

It may sound weird, but I think any creative person has this experience to some extent whether they realize it or not. Creativity is about tapping into something intangible-- an idea in your head, a vision, an inspiration--and making it substantial. A person's own skill and passion definitely makes a difference, but there is a communing with something outside of yourself...or perhaps inward, yet still invisible, whenever we sit down at the keyboard, or pick up an instrument, or a paint brush. Some people will call it God, or the Universe, or a Muse (any ancient Greeks out there?)

Right now I call it Grandma Jane.

Aboji

Many of you have heard the news, that the founder of my church, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, passed away on September 3rd at 93 years old (Korea time).

Followers had been offering prayers and conditions for his health, ever since he entered the hospital almost two weeks ago. Many prayed for a miracle, but it is God's will be done, not ours.

When I first got the news, I lit a candle and said a short prayer for a safe journey. The whole day my facebook page was full of pictures and stories, statements of gratitude and love. I didn't have much time to reflect though while attending to the kids and getting ready for the start of the school week today. Later in the day I got a call from a reporter and was interviewed for the local paper. I got a little choked up at one point when I was telling her some of the stories and memories I had of seeing Father, but it still didn't really sink in. I was in an intilectual place of, "well we knew he was sick, he lived a long life, it was time, God bless".

(You can read the article here)

The next morning, before I even got out of bed, I immediately had this feeling like the world had completely turned upside down.

It may seem strange for some people, to grieve over this man. But you see, he is the reason that my parents are married. Without that I would not exist. My husband would not exist, and neither would our beautiful children. Thousands of people can say the same thing. Even if that was the only thing he had accomplished (spoiler alert: it's not!), it would be a tremendous legacy.

I have never known a time when he wasn't here. Suddenly, on that morning, the world felt different because of his absence.

I had been working on a different post this weekend and decided to do some writing. I sat down and played a TED talk video that I was basing it on. It is an inspiring video about a man who documented the democratic elections in Ghana. As I watched and listened to this man's story again, I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't just the story (I had watched the video several times already), but it was this intense feeling of empathy and longing; of love for another human being, and the common human experience. I felt his pain, his triumph, his heart, I understood him, not just intellectually, but as if he WERE me.

When I was a little girl, I used to have experiences where I would just start crying for no reason. Or I would see something that made me sad, like a lost pet or a friend's parents getting divorced, and I would dissolve into sobs for an hour, a kind of grief that I couldn't explain. Once when I woke up crying in the middle of the night, my Mother told me, "you are feeling the heart of God, he is sharing his heart with you."

Not since I was a little girl have I experienced it, until now. That's what I felt when I watched the video. I can't help but think that the recent events, perhaps Father Moon's spirit, has opened up that child like part of me, that deep connection to the Divine that I learned to suppress as an adolescent and adult.

For the first time I see it as a gift, that I can love people deeply and see them from God's viewpoint, even though it is also painful.

The past week has been a mix of emotions. While many people have been sharing wonderful and inspiring stories, it is hard to avoid the negative comments that we all expected. I was starting to get really sad, reading the comments that people were posting at the ends of articles about the passing, and even Facebook posts from people who I have called friends, openly mocking a dying man. I felt deep pain, and struggled to forgive them for the words that I found hurtful and disrespectful.

Rev. Moon's daughter, In Jin Moon, gave a speech this past week to members while updating people on her father's health. In it she talked about her own struggles as a child to accept her father and she recounted an incident where she asked her mother, "How do we know? How do we know if he is a Messiah?" and Mother responded, "It is not your belief that makes him who he is, it is God that anoints. It is God that chooses"

In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what God thinks. My heart for people, a deep love for others, the ability to understand "real" love and not just some Hollywood version, the wonderful family I had growing up, a supportive faith community, my amazing husband, my precious children, are all gifts that Father Moon has given me.

To those that still hold some animosity towards Rev. Moon, let this be a release for you, because as the Buddha says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

It is time to put on our thick skins, and embrace those that hurt us, the way Father did to the man who once imprisoned him. To love our enemies as Jesus taught, and maybe to realize that there really are no enemies, only our brothers and sisters, only ourselves, all part of the same human family, the same Heavenly Parent.

I love you all, may God be with you and your family.

Sacred Spaces

The family and I spent the weekend camping. but it's not just any camp. It's the place I have been spending summers since kindergarten. It's where I made lifelong friendships, and honed my life-guarding skills. It's where I first met my husband. Camp Sunrise, in Harrimin State Park, NY will always hold a special place in my heart.

I love camping in general, but there is a certain spirit there. Driving up the hill and walking along the paths, memories came trickling back like a cool summer rain. When I propped my feet up on the bed in our cabin, I felt my whole body melt into the ground, as if I had become part of the camp itself. It's not just a familiar place, it's a sacred place, a "home away from home."

We spend a lot of time in our heads, but there is something about being in a particular physical place that helps to slow down the thoughts and find peace. We all have these places. Maybe it's in nature, like at camp or at the ocean (another one of my sacred spots). Maybe it's a favorite cafe downtown. It could be as simple as your favorite comfy chair in your own house. Whatever it is, if you are feeling stressed, or overwhelmed, try changing your space and see if that doesn't help ease your mind. If nothing comes to mind, perhaps it's time to create a new sacred space!

Spiritual people spend lots of energy on the internal, which is good. But we are mind AND body. The two are completely intertwined. Just as our internal state manifests itself in the physical, our physical environment can have a profound effect on our spirit. What does your sacred space look like? How can we make our everyday environment more of a sacred space?

The BIG Story

I picked up a book at the library a few weeks ago called "Spiritual Parenting". The concept peeked my interest because I often think about how to instill spiritual values in my children. The author, a Christian, talks in the beginning about how most Christian children are educated about the Bible when they are young. Most of the time they hear bits and pieces, random stories (Noah's arc, Moses, the birth of Jesus, etc.), and not necessarily in chronological order. She said that while these stories have value on their own, the real power of the Bible is the BIG story. When all these stories are put into context, they become part of a much grander story, the work of God throughout the generations to bring about a savior to the earth. Jesus becomes the hero in an epic tale of good vs. evil, and his promise to return again helps them see where they fit into the big picture.

My first thought when reading this was, "wow, that actually IS how I was taught about the Bible." Thank you, Providence of Restoration*.

Second, I thought about what it means to have a BIG Story as an individual. We often cannot see how our present moment is shaping our future, how the things we are going through, or investing in now, may manifest down the road. We often don't notice in the moment how God is working, or how the Universe is guiding us behind the scenes.

When I look back at specific times in my life, my relationship with my husband for example, I can see how God worked to prepare us for each other, how he was orchestrating everything way before we knew. Why should now be any different? We cannot see it just yet because we are too close, but that's what faith is. We don't know how things will turn out, but faith is trusting that God is always there watching over us. Faith is trusting in the process and knowing that we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves.

What is your BIG Story? Hint: it's not over yet!




*Providence of Restoration: refers to the Chapters in the Divine Principle that talk about how God worked to restore humanity after the fall of Adam and Eve to bring about a foundation for Jesus to come to earth. All of the stories in the Bible play a role in laying the foundation for the Messiah.