Aboji

Many of you have heard the news, that the founder of my church, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, passed away on September 3rd at 93 years old (Korea time).

Followers had been offering prayers and conditions for his health, ever since he entered the hospital almost two weeks ago. Many prayed for a miracle, but it is God's will be done, not ours.

When I first got the news, I lit a candle and said a short prayer for a safe journey. The whole day my facebook page was full of pictures and stories, statements of gratitude and love. I didn't have much time to reflect though while attending to the kids and getting ready for the start of the school week today. Later in the day I got a call from a reporter and was interviewed for the local paper. I got a little choked up at one point when I was telling her some of the stories and memories I had of seeing Father, but it still didn't really sink in. I was in an intilectual place of, "well we knew he was sick, he lived a long life, it was time, God bless".

(You can read the article here)

The next morning, before I even got out of bed, I immediately had this feeling like the world had completely turned upside down.

It may seem strange for some people, to grieve over this man. But you see, he is the reason that my parents are married. Without that I would not exist. My husband would not exist, and neither would our beautiful children. Thousands of people can say the same thing. Even if that was the only thing he had accomplished (spoiler alert: it's not!), it would be a tremendous legacy.

I have never known a time when he wasn't here. Suddenly, on that morning, the world felt different because of his absence.

I had been working on a different post this weekend and decided to do some writing. I sat down and played a TED talk video that I was basing it on. It is an inspiring video about a man who documented the democratic elections in Ghana. As I watched and listened to this man's story again, I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't just the story (I had watched the video several times already), but it was this intense feeling of empathy and longing; of love for another human being, and the common human experience. I felt his pain, his triumph, his heart, I understood him, not just intellectually, but as if he WERE me.

When I was a little girl, I used to have experiences where I would just start crying for no reason. Or I would see something that made me sad, like a lost pet or a friend's parents getting divorced, and I would dissolve into sobs for an hour, a kind of grief that I couldn't explain. Once when I woke up crying in the middle of the night, my Mother told me, "you are feeling the heart of God, he is sharing his heart with you."

Not since I was a little girl have I experienced it, until now. That's what I felt when I watched the video. I can't help but think that the recent events, perhaps Father Moon's spirit, has opened up that child like part of me, that deep connection to the Divine that I learned to suppress as an adolescent and adult.

For the first time I see it as a gift, that I can love people deeply and see them from God's viewpoint, even though it is also painful.

The past week has been a mix of emotions. While many people have been sharing wonderful and inspiring stories, it is hard to avoid the negative comments that we all expected. I was starting to get really sad, reading the comments that people were posting at the ends of articles about the passing, and even Facebook posts from people who I have called friends, openly mocking a dying man. I felt deep pain, and struggled to forgive them for the words that I found hurtful and disrespectful.

Rev. Moon's daughter, In Jin Moon, gave a speech this past week to members while updating people on her father's health. In it she talked about her own struggles as a child to accept her father and she recounted an incident where she asked her mother, "How do we know? How do we know if he is a Messiah?" and Mother responded, "It is not your belief that makes him who he is, it is God that anoints. It is God that chooses"

In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what God thinks. My heart for people, a deep love for others, the ability to understand "real" love and not just some Hollywood version, the wonderful family I had growing up, a supportive faith community, my amazing husband, my precious children, are all gifts that Father Moon has given me.

To those that still hold some animosity towards Rev. Moon, let this be a release for you, because as the Buddha says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

It is time to put on our thick skins, and embrace those that hurt us, the way Father did to the man who once imprisoned him. To love our enemies as Jesus taught, and maybe to realize that there really are no enemies, only our brothers and sisters, only ourselves, all part of the same human family, the same Heavenly Parent.

I love you all, may God be with you and your family.