A moth in a box OR A four year old contemplates the afterlife

There is a dead moth, curled up inside an origami box, on top of my kitchen counter.

I had been cleaning in the living room, and was making my way to the bedroom when Miles came running in and said, "mama, someone killed a moth!"

My first thought, "did you kill a moth?"

Miles: "no! someone else did it! come see!"

really?

I had my eye on the clock, it was almost time to start the bedtime routine.

sigh...alright.

as I followed him out to the living room he came to the place where there was indeed a small dead moth on the floor. He bent down beside it and gingerly scooped it up, cupping it in his tiny hand.

"see?" he said, holding it out to me.

"yeah, I see" I said with fake enthusiasm. "Okay, lets throw it away..."

But Miles would not have it, "no! he's my friend!", he says.

Uh Oh. I see where this is going now.

I turned to my only frame of reference when it comes to kids and talking about death: the episode of The Cosby Show where Rudy's goldfish, Mr. Fish, dies. Thanks Cosby Show, I know just what to do!

So I started fashioning the origami box (thank goodness our craft box is always well stocked), and I suggested we have a funeral.

"what's that?" He asked.

"when someone dies you have a funeral to say good bye to them, and their body goes in a box so they can rest." I explained, quite proud of my fast thinking.

Miles replied, "but I don't want him to be died! I want him to be alive! make him alive again!"

This is when he really started to get distressed. It was then I realized I was going to need more than the Cosby Show. I was out of my depth. Not knowing what else to say, I started explaining how we have a body, but we also have a spirit, and that our body dies and goes away (into the cemetery...we drive by one on the way to school so we have in theory broached this topic, but I could see him putting the pieces together probably for the first time) but your spirit stays and goes to heaven with God.

Then he started talking about the moth's friends and how much they would miss him. After each statement, he had another burst of tears.

I said, "yes, they will miss him, but they can talk to him anytime, just like you talk to God."

Miles is not amused, "but how does the moth go in my heart?"

So at that point I am pulling out all the big guns, wondering if this is too much for a four year old...but i'm already knee-deep, and he is asking the questions, so what am I supposed to do??

"Well, when you think about them and remember how much you love them, then you are talking to them in your heart."

Hey, good one mom!

But instead of calming him down he seemed to be even more upset. I finally convinced him to put the moth in the box and leave him with "his friends" while we got ready for bed.

We started to get our pajamas on and I wiped my brow, thinking we would read stories and not think about the moth anymore. but he starts to get even more upset, and is now choking back tears, "but...but....but..." Finally, as he fought through the tears he said, "but...if my body died....and...I go to heaven, and I'm with God....then I'll miss you so much!"

And I'm done.

The three of us (because my one year old is a little copy cat) collapse on the bed into one big crying bundle.

After a few minutes of crying, assuring him over and over that I wouldn't let anything happen to him, that we would be together for a long time, the tears turned into giggles, and Miles was bouncing on the bed as if nothing happened.

He'll most likely forget this moment (especially after I throw away that moth!). But I won't. I'll keep it in my heart, just like God, the people I love, and the moth.