Do you hear what I hear?

Sometimes you wonder if your kids even listen to you at all.

like my son Miles. He has a little bit of a perfectionist complex. He has to do things a certain way, and everything has to go exactly according to his plan or it's melt down city. I've been dealing with this for about two years now. This is a kid who directs everything down to what everyone is supposed to say ("say, 'oh, I wonder what's in there!' say that Mama, say that!") and tells me where I'm supposed to hide during a game of hide and seek. Sometimes I do okay, I give him a speech about how things don't always have to be perfect, that we can still have fun even if it doesn't go the way we planned. Other times, I have a mini-meltdown of my own and I wonder if it's ever really going to sink in. God forbid someone cut his sandwich the wrong way or open the door before he does!

Maybe he'll grow out of it, but I can name more than a few adults who have this same problem, and this is one thing I don't want him to carry with him all his life. It's one thing to want to do your best, but it can be debilitating if done to excess.

The other day we visited with some old friends who have a five year old daughter. The dad is one of my husband's best friends, they used to play in a band together. We met them at his parents' house where there is still a full drum set in the basement. Miles now wants to have a band and be a "drummer for life!". The two kids were playing happily in the basement, banging on drums and singing into the microphone, until the little girl came stomping up the stairs and sat down at the table, arms crossed and a frown on her face. Miles followed quickly after. He went up to her, put his hand on her shoulder and said,

"I know it's hard when you want things to be perfect, but things don't always have to be perfect."

She was not convinced, although eventually she was able to get over whatever it was and get back to playing again.

But right there my heart did a back flip and landed in a split, pom poms waving. He's listening! It's actually sinking in!

Even though I might have to give the same speech a hundred more times without any indication that he "gets it", he does hear me.

Keep on talking, even if you think it'll never sink in. Patience works both ways.