Face down on the table, I heard the massage therapist say, "Tell me if the pressure is okay, let me know if it hurts". I didn't make a sound. I never do. Even as I grit my teeth on particularly tender muscles.
Two weeks ago I injured my neck. I was playing outside with the kids doing handstands and somersaults, and woke up the next morning unable to move. My whole neck and back was in spasm. I literally have never been in so much pain (and I gave birth to two babies with no meds!) I won't even mention the emotional trauma of realizing I'm now officially too old to do somersaults. I went to the hospital, was given some pain medication, and went back home to bed. Thankfully, my husband and his family rallied to help out with the kids. Then, the very next day, I went out apple picking with the family since we had planned it weeks ago. Still in pain, though at least I could move around, still on meds. The next day, we looked at a few houses with our Realtor. Monday and Tuesday I did some laundry, took the boys to the library and Tae Kwon Do class and patted myself on the back for not having to take any pain meds for two days.
By Tuesday evening I was in tears. I felt worse than I did the day after I was at the hospital. So I popped some pain pills, got back into bed, and this time, stayed there. I thought I was the kind of person who knew how to take care of myself. I thought I understood how to ask for help. I always give advice to other people to take it easy and take care of themselves first. It doesn't take a genius to see that I probably have not been taking my own advice for some time now, and that this was just one big wake up call. I could have stayed in bed the whole weekend even though it meant changing our plans, thoroughly healed, and been ready to go on Monday. Instead, I ended up dragging the misery out for almost another full week!
Why don't we speak up when it hurts?
Maybe we think we deserve the pain
Maybe we think the pain is a necessary means to an end
We think we'll be seen as weak
Our ego thinks we should be strong enough to push through
We don't want to be a burden
We think we'll be judged
We want to do it on our own, because of pride, because we don't trust others, or because we are ashamed.
Why don't we tell anyone when it hurts?
Why don't we tell ourselves?
Maybe we think we deserve the pain
Maybe we think the pain is a necessary means to an end
We think we'll be seen as weak
Our ego thinks we should be strong enough to push through
We don't want to be a burden
We think we'll be judged
We want to do it on our own, because of pride, because we don't trust others, or because we are ashamed.
Why don't we tell anyone when it hurts?
Why don't we tell ourselves?
No comments:
Post a Comment