Who am I?

I didn't necessarily mean for this blog to be specifically about the trials of new motherhood. I just started writing and that's what came out.

It makes sense really. When people tell you that they become your life they are not kidding.

Remember when you didn't have kids (or maybe you still don't) and you would get annoyed at other people who had them because all of a sudden it's all they could talk about?

well, now I'm on the other side of it, and I can tell you that one of the things that seems to come along with motherhood is a distinct lack of social graces. Oh sure, with other moms you are the life of the party! and now you can have ten minute conversations with total strangers! But too often you forget that most people don't really want to know how many times your baby pooped, or how you have nothing to wear because everything is covered in spit-up. It's partly because you really don't have anything else to talk about, this is who you are now, and only a mother can understand how someone could talk about spit-up and poop with such nonchalance, even excitement. I think there is also part of you that forgets who you were before this happened. If I look back at pictures or think about things I did before I had a baby, it feels like I'm staring at a completely different person.

I remember feeling the same way when I got married. I had spent most of my life as a single person, and had an idea of who I was based on my personality, my friends, my hobbies. Then, suddenly I was one part of a whole, my identity became completely intertwined with this other person. Strange at first, but eventually it was as if it had always been that way, and just like this new transition into being a mom, I almost couldn't remember what it was like to be without him.

It's interesting how we adapt and change so seamlessly, and how fluid the concept of identity actually is. Just when you think you've got yourself figured out, something happens to shake things up. It certainly keeps life interesting. I love that I am constantly surprising myself. As I see my baby growing up before my eyes, I realize that I am still growing too. It's a lifetime of discovery and learning. While I help Miles learn to walk, to feed himself, to count, I am learning how to be the teacher, and the guardian of a new life. It's on the job training that you can't get at any university...but hopefully you've got some really great parents and grandparents as role models.



Sleep Log:

Wednesday night

Miles- 7:30pm-1:30am (6 hours!!)
1:30-2:30 ...then up for an hour...gah!
3:30-6:45- good morning!

Mommy- 10:00pm-1:30am
see above...

Thankfully we both got a nice long nap this afternoon.