Secret Heart

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them--words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more that that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear." - Stephen King

I discovered this quote back in high school (don't ask me how many years ago!) and proceeded to tuck it away inside notebooks and journals. For a long time this summed up exactly how I related to my own hopes and dreams. I used to be afraid to talk about my passions, as if it would jinx it somehow. I treated them like precious pieces of glass that had to be protected from scrutinizing ears. I remember a time when I actually did tear up while talking to someone about my desire to be a writer. I felt completely naked and exposed, and I couldn't wait to run away and hide; to tuck my secret away again where it would be safe. The problem though is to keep your dreams locked away is to surely see them perish. Like Lenny, in "of Mice and Men", if you hold on too tightly it will die (Shout out to my eleventh grade English teacher).

Safety is a comfy place to be, but it's an illusion. It's something we create. There is never a guarantee that things will work out how you've planned, regardless of all of the precautions you have taken. I say this not to be paranoid, but to encourage you to free yourself from the cage that the illusion of safety creates. When you dare to take a risk, when you expose your dreams to the light of day, you create endless possibility.

but how do you take that first step when every fiber in your being is shouting "danger! danger!" at the thought of opening yourself up to those dreams?

These are some things I've learned in the course of my journey. I am by no means an expert, I'm still figuring it out, and everything I say to you I am also saying to myself, over and over again.

Have faith that your dreams are strong enough to withstand whatever hurdles might be thrown in your path. Your dreams are not made of glass. They will not crack and break at the first sign of trouble. Think of them as getting calloused with each blow, only becoming stronger and harder to penetrate.

Focus on the dream, but don't be attached to the outcome. You may want to be a musician, so be the best musician you can be, but don't worry about whether or not you become famous or your album receives accolades. To do this is to have your success and happiness be dependent on others instead of from within.

Let go of any preconceived notions of what it should "look like". Don't try to restrain your dreams, let them run free. Let them lead you. You may find yourself doing things you never would have imagined. Let your dreams lead you to places that your safety-obsessed mind would never let you go.

The most dangerous, and loudest critic is yourself. The voice that tells you it will be too hard, that it's not worth it, that you have a one-in-a-million chance so why bother? That people will "look at you in a funny way". This is the voice that will break your dreams. And it lives right there next to where you are trying to hide them away and keep them safe. The only way to save them is to let them go.

One of my new favorite quotes is by Van Gogh: "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."


So here goes: I want to write a book. I want to write many books. The ideal picture I have in my head is of me sitting next to an open window, sea breeze blowing the curtains next to my desk. A cup of coffee, a computer, or maybe a notebook and paper. Silence, thoughts, and getting lost in my own story.

So now you know where my secret heart is buried. I hope by sharing it, it will help you release your own.

Thanks for being an understanding ear.