I used to be a rockstar: Part 2

That's me about four months pregnant! I was so dedicated back then ;)


There is a difference between creative fields and other areas of work or study. If you want to be a teacher, you go to school and you take a test to get your certificate. If you want to be a doctor, you do a lot more school and tests, along with residencies and internships. There is a certain protocol that you must follow in order to have that MD or PhD appear at the end of your name. But if you are a musician, or a writer, or a painter (even if you actually study it professionally), at what point do you get to take on that title?

When I was pursuing music, I thought that I had to get somewhere before I could call myself a "real musician". I had to put out an album, or sign a label, or be doing a certain amount of gigs every week.

Our culture is based so much on "what you do". It's often the first question you are asked when you meet someone. I remember always feeling uncomfortable with this, because I felt like I was being defined by that and yet it didn't feel true to who I was. I remember a certain fear too, of being able to say, "I'm a singer-songwriter". I was always afraid that people would think I was naive, that behind their smiles they were thinking, "yeah right, that's not a real job." I felt like I had to prove myself, give a list of the places I had played recently, or have a copy of a demo cd that I could hand them. Putting "Singer-Songwriter" on my linked in page a couple of years ago was no small gesture for me.

It took a long time for me to realize that what you do is not who you are, and who you are is not just about what you do. If you are a writer, you write, if you are a singer, you sing. If you are a painter, you paint. There are no fancy degrees that will give you the title, and it doesn't matter if anyone else agrees with you or not. How you make money is not who you are, and if you never make any money at what you're passionate about, that doesn't mean it isn't a part of who you are.

When I started to act from a place of being instead of lack (like I was trying to get to a certain status I hadn't reached yet), that's when things really started to blossom. I felt a certain calm too, I was able to slow down and enjoy the process, instead of always wishing to be at that final destination, whatever I thought that may look like at the time.

So my "part two" story is some advice for anyone aspiring to the creative arts: Stop trying to be, and start being. I suppose it's good advice for anyone. Even a medical student, if it's who you are, then you don't need the piece of paper to start feeling like a doctor. (not saying you should go into surgery tomorrow, but you get the idea!) It's already there, you just haven't accessed it yet.

The Buddha says, "we are what we think". When we change our thinking, the universe will conform itself to you.

There is also no rule that says you can only ever be one thing. Our passions change, we change, things may go out of our lives, they may or may not come back. One of my biggest musical influences, Joni Mitchell, was also a painter. She used to go through periods of writing music, and then go back to painting. Though she was never as well known for her art, it was something that she loved and I'm sure by acknowledging that part of herself, it made her music better as well.

We are all called to different things, not all of us can be painters or musicians, most of us will never be famous. But if we follow our dreams and don't get stopped by fear, we can do great things, because we already are great.