The Joy of Giving

For the last two years in NJ, Halloween has been officially cancelled. Last year, Super Storm Sandy struck and ruined it. The year before that we had a freak snow storm that froze all the trees, causing them to fall or break off branches on top of roofs or power lines. Everyone was told to stay home while the streets were unsafe.

While it's fun to see the kids all dressed up in their costumes for Halloween, I'm less enthused about that big bag of candy I'm going to have to hide and ration out so that my kids don't end up in a sugar induced comma/craze.

Last year, after the storm, all the towns kept pushing back the day for trick-or-treating, so that it was almost impossible to keep up and be sure. It was well into the first week of November already when I happened to be at my friends house with the kids, and we saw some other children with costumes on going around the neighborhood. We borrowed some dress up stuff, got the kids ready, and spontaneously joined in the fun. The kids were so excited, no surprise. What did surprise me though, was how excited the adults were to give out candy!

Many of them had huge bowls full of candy since all of the confusion with the storm. Sure, they probably don't want all that candy sitting around their house, but they seemed equally excited to see all the children dressed up, to be apart of the tradition and making all these kids happy.

So many people commented how they missed Halloween the year before, some didn't know it was trick-or-treat day and were pleasantly surprised to answer the door to batman and strawberry shortcake. They seemed so happy and grateful, giving away their candy, the smiling children their reward.

I don't know, I guess it's kind of obvious, but I never thought of it before until I saw it from the other side. We all live vicariously through our children, take joy in their happiness and experiences. This year, we get to go trick-or-treating ON Halloween, and I feel like I'm doing it for the benefit of my neighbors as much as my kids.

Happy Halloween, stay safe everyone!

Left-Brain Push-ups

It's that time again!

November is right around the corner, and part of my lack of blog updates lately has been because I've thrown myself full force into the outlining process as prep for NanoWriMo. It's been an interesting learning experience. I've never done an outline before. I mean, I remember doing them in middle and high school English class, but that's about it. Once I wasn't required to do them, I never did. I never had any problems with this before. I always much preferred to jump in and write, get messy, and then clean it up later. For a ten page paper, a short story, or poem, this method works great and served me well through four years of college. It took me four years of NanoWriMo, however, to realize that this same strategy wouldn't work for writing a novel. Don't get me wrong, a first-draft, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants method is lots of fun (at least for me) and there is a place for it. It helps me work though problems, figure out important plot points, and get to know my characters in a way that is liberating, without my inner editor or critic running the shots. At the end of the month though, I would look back at my 50,000 + words with a deep despair, as the thought of trying to edit was overwhelming. It felt like trying to turn a finger painting into a Michelangelo. I finally realized that if I wanted to actually COMPLETE a novel, and not just a first draft, I would need to put a more serious plan in place. With the help of some good books that helped to dispel some misconceptions and also give me a guide to work from, I decided that this year, I would finally do an outline.

There's a reason that outlining doesn't come naturally to me, I am primarily a right brain thinker. The right side is usually associated with creativity, abstraction, and emotion, while the left brain deals in more logical, sequential, and linear thought. Though I've always known that I favored my right side, I recently took a test that confirmed it down to the percentage. Not only that, it broke down all of the specific functions and highlighted my strengths and weaknesses.

The more I get to know myself, the more I am able to figure out the things that are blocking me, which gives me a road map to the solution. Though some people tend to favor a certain side of their brain, there are actually things you can do to strengthen your less functioning parts. The brain is like a muscle, and the more you exercise, the more those synapses fall into place.

So I've been doing left brain push-ups. Making and checking off lists, organizing notes (color-coding helps for right brained people since color is processed in the right hemisphere), and turning off my automatic spell-check--I actually have to manually go back to a misspelled word and write it out again, try and figure out the real spelling without getting a list of options or an automatic change...try it, it's tougher than it sounds! (unless of course you are a spelling champ...you lucky left brainers!)

My husband started running last week. He was never a runner, but in just a little over a week he's running at least 2 miles every night! I don't know if my progress has been that extraordinary, but it sure seemed like running a mile at first. The more I do it though, the easier it gets, the more miles I can go.  Now, with less than two weeks to go before the official start of Nanowrimo, I am actually..dare I say it...enjoying the outlining process and am looking forward to reaping the rewards of my hard work in November.

Tell me when it hurts

Face down on the table, I heard the massage therapist say, "Tell me if the pressure is okay, let me know if it hurts". I didn't make a sound. I never do. Even as I grit my teeth on particularly tender muscles.

Two weeks ago I injured my neck. I was playing outside with the kids doing handstands and somersaults, and woke up the next morning unable to move. My whole neck and back was in spasm. I literally have never been in so much pain (and I gave birth to two babies with no meds!) I won't even mention the emotional trauma of realizing I'm now officially too old to do somersaults. I went to the hospital, was given some pain medication, and went back home to bed. Thankfully, my husband and his family rallied to help out with the kids. Then, the very next day, I went out apple picking with the family since we had planned it weeks ago. Still in pain, though at least I could move around, still on meds. The next day, we looked at a few houses with our Realtor. Monday and Tuesday I did some laundry, took the boys to the library and Tae Kwon Do class and patted myself on the back for not having to take any pain meds for two days.

By Tuesday evening I was in tears. I felt worse than I did the day after I was at the hospital. So I popped some pain pills, got back into bed, and this time, stayed there. I thought I was the kind of person who knew how to take care of myself. I thought I understood how to ask for help. I always give advice to other people to take it easy and take care of themselves first. It doesn't take a genius to see that I probably have not been taking my own advice for some time now, and that this was just one big wake up call. I could have stayed in bed the whole weekend even though it meant changing our plans, thoroughly healed, and been ready to go on Monday. Instead, I ended up dragging the misery out for almost another full week!

Why don't we speak up when it hurts?

Maybe we think we deserve the pain

Maybe we think the pain is a necessary means to an end

We think we'll be seen as weak

Our ego thinks we should be strong enough to push through

We don't want to be a burden

We think we'll be judged

We want to do it on our own, because of pride, because we don't trust others, or because we are ashamed.

Why don't we tell anyone when it hurts?

Why don't we tell ourselves?