Christmas movies, cutting down a tree, opening presents in pajamas, and a quiet dinner with family. These are the things that make up my family Christmas traditions growing up. I love Christmas, I enjoy the time of year when people stress the importance of giving and being kind to one another, being grateful for what you have, and the joy of looking forward to new things as well, both literally and figuratively as you head towards the new year.
Here's one of my favorite family traditions. Every morning on Christmas, after we've rummaged through our stockings, and had a nice big home-made breakfast, we would gather in the living room and my sister and I would play "elves". We would gather the gifts from under the tree and hand one to each person so that we could all open them together. After each round, my sister and I would still have plenty of gifts, and my dad was always the first one without anything to open. But to his and our delight, my mother would gasp in surprise as my sister and I would find yet another little present under the tree that said, "To: Sally" from "Rob".
Without fail, this happens EVERY year. My dad always buys a bunch of presents for my mom, and she always acts surprised. My sister and I would roll our eyes every year as she would exclaim, "what? another one? for me?!" and we would smile and laugh when she would say, "oh you shouldn't have!" Because of course he should have.
My family is spending Christmas with my grandmother in Indiana this year so I won't get to watch the whole spectacle, but I trust that Dad won't let us down.
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Not your enemy
Yesterday I got into a heated discussion with someone online. Well, at least it was heated on his part. I tried to keep my response about how I feel personally, and never mentioned anything political, never tried to persuade him to my point of view. After a little back and forth I thought it was done, only to find that he had private messaged me to further make his point.
I could have very easily become upset and thrown insults right back at him, but I chose my words carefully, giving him the benefit of the doubt and speaking respectfully, while at the same time letting him know that I wouldn't tolerate being disrespected myself.
Without going into the whole conversation, I woke up this morning to find a very gracious and sincere apology in my inbox. He even offered to buy me a cup of coffee.
This is what it means when Jesus says to love your enemy. The enemy is not some guy in a mask with a gun who might rob your house, that you hopefully never meet. It's the neighbor who backed over your mailbox, or the guy who cut you in line at the bank. It's the friend you get into fights with all the time because your opinions are just so different. Really, the enemy is your own pride. The enemy is our inability to see others from God's perspective.
With tensions high, there is lots of room for misunderstanding, and it's easy to want to try and best someone with whit or spite. But give it a try, you might just get a free cup of coffee! Here are my tips for how to conquer through love:
1. Give up the need to be "right"- It should never be about "winning" an argument. Rather, people just want to know that they are heard and understood. If you show them that you understand their perspective, even though you may not agree with it, you are much more likely to be able to have a respectful discourse.
2. Don't jump to conclusions- Give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the person is having a bad day, maybe they are hurting, maybe this topic brings up something painful for them that is hard to express. Don't assume the someone is just being mean for the sake of it.
3. Don't take it personally- The words people say and the way they conduct themselves says more about them than it does you, and the same goes for YOU!
4. Speak from your own perspective- say things like "I feel" or "in my experience" instead of making broad general statements about other people. "YOU do this" or "THEY say that" etc..
5. Imagine a person- This is especially helpful online, where all you see is the written text. Imagine the person on the other side of that keyboard. Someone who is so much more complex than a few statements they make on a website. A person with real feelings, relationships, and experiences. Someone's mother or father, sister, brother, daughter, or son. Give them some humanity, and know that they are not defined by the words that they say...and neither are you, but your words are a tool that can either heal or hurt.
6. Know when to walk away- This is similar to letting go of being right. At some point, if none of the above seems to be getting you anywhere, it may be time to gracefully exit the conversation, as continuing to feed into the drama will only cause more harm than good. Just remember to do it politely :)
You can conquer someone with weapons, whether those weapons be guns or words, but when you turn enemies into friends, you build yourself an army. And if you seek to turn all your enemies into friends, eventually there will be no one left to fight.
Jesus also told us, "Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap."
Choose to sow seeds of love. They may take longer to bloom, but the blossoms are sweeter and will not wilt or fade in winter, but will grow stronger and more beautiful.
I could have very easily become upset and thrown insults right back at him, but I chose my words carefully, giving him the benefit of the doubt and speaking respectfully, while at the same time letting him know that I wouldn't tolerate being disrespected myself.
Without going into the whole conversation, I woke up this morning to find a very gracious and sincere apology in my inbox. He even offered to buy me a cup of coffee.
This is what it means when Jesus says to love your enemy. The enemy is not some guy in a mask with a gun who might rob your house, that you hopefully never meet. It's the neighbor who backed over your mailbox, or the guy who cut you in line at the bank. It's the friend you get into fights with all the time because your opinions are just so different. Really, the enemy is your own pride. The enemy is our inability to see others from God's perspective.
With tensions high, there is lots of room for misunderstanding, and it's easy to want to try and best someone with whit or spite. But give it a try, you might just get a free cup of coffee! Here are my tips for how to conquer through love:
1. Give up the need to be "right"- It should never be about "winning" an argument. Rather, people just want to know that they are heard and understood. If you show them that you understand their perspective, even though you may not agree with it, you are much more likely to be able to have a respectful discourse.
2. Don't jump to conclusions- Give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the person is having a bad day, maybe they are hurting, maybe this topic brings up something painful for them that is hard to express. Don't assume the someone is just being mean for the sake of it.
3. Don't take it personally- The words people say and the way they conduct themselves says more about them than it does you, and the same goes for YOU!
4. Speak from your own perspective- say things like "I feel" or "in my experience" instead of making broad general statements about other people. "YOU do this" or "THEY say that" etc..
5. Imagine a person- This is especially helpful online, where all you see is the written text. Imagine the person on the other side of that keyboard. Someone who is so much more complex than a few statements they make on a website. A person with real feelings, relationships, and experiences. Someone's mother or father, sister, brother, daughter, or son. Give them some humanity, and know that they are not defined by the words that they say...and neither are you, but your words are a tool that can either heal or hurt.
6. Know when to walk away- This is similar to letting go of being right. At some point, if none of the above seems to be getting you anywhere, it may be time to gracefully exit the conversation, as continuing to feed into the drama will only cause more harm than good. Just remember to do it politely :)
You can conquer someone with weapons, whether those weapons be guns or words, but when you turn enemies into friends, you build yourself an army. And if you seek to turn all your enemies into friends, eventually there will be no one left to fight.
Jesus also told us, "Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap."
Choose to sow seeds of love. They may take longer to bloom, but the blossoms are sweeter and will not wilt or fade in winter, but will grow stronger and more beautiful.
Monday, December 17, 2012
For those left waiting
It's unimaginable, and yet, every parent around the world, the moment they heard about the school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Friday, imagined. What if? What if that were MY child?
I have watched very little news coverage. I don't want to relive it over and over. I don't want to be party to speculation of how this could or could not be prevented, the shooter's motives, or using it as some sort of political leverage.
The first and only article I read about the event described the children being evacuated from the school and brought to the local firehouse where their parents were waiting. I keep going back to that firehouse, imagining myself there, waiting for my child to come, the relief of seeing them walk through that door. Or, the agony of being one of the parents left waiting for their baby who would never come. I imagine un-opened Christmas presents, and empty chairs.
The stories of the heroic teachers that protected their students give a moment of peace, until I remember that they were someone's child too.
All I know to do is to pray for those families, to offer up my support, and to hug my children extra tight.
Tragedies like this remind us of our humanity. It reminds me that we are lucky to be alive, that everything we have is a gift, that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. It reminds me that no matter what boundaries separate us, whether it be oceans, or continents, or religion, or politics, we all love our children. We all would give our lives for theirs if we could.
For everyone lucky enough: Cherish your children, hold them extra tightly. Thank God for every day that you are together.
For the parents left waiting: May a God who shares the heart of a grieving parent and who mourns for every lost child, be with you.
and for those children: May a God who is a loving parent wrap you in his arms.
I have watched very little news coverage. I don't want to relive it over and over. I don't want to be party to speculation of how this could or could not be prevented, the shooter's motives, or using it as some sort of political leverage.
The first and only article I read about the event described the children being evacuated from the school and brought to the local firehouse where their parents were waiting. I keep going back to that firehouse, imagining myself there, waiting for my child to come, the relief of seeing them walk through that door. Or, the agony of being one of the parents left waiting for their baby who would never come. I imagine un-opened Christmas presents, and empty chairs.
The stories of the heroic teachers that protected their students give a moment of peace, until I remember that they were someone's child too.
All I know to do is to pray for those families, to offer up my support, and to hug my children extra tight.
Tragedies like this remind us of our humanity. It reminds me that we are lucky to be alive, that everything we have is a gift, that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. It reminds me that no matter what boundaries separate us, whether it be oceans, or continents, or religion, or politics, we all love our children. We all would give our lives for theirs if we could.
For everyone lucky enough: Cherish your children, hold them extra tightly. Thank God for every day that you are together.
For the parents left waiting: May a God who shares the heart of a grieving parent and who mourns for every lost child, be with you.
and for those children: May a God who is a loving parent wrap you in his arms.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Do you hear what I hear?
Sometimes you wonder if your kids even listen to you at all.
like my son Miles. He has a little bit of a perfectionist complex. He has to do things a certain way, and everything has to go exactly according to his plan or it's melt down city. I've been dealing with this for about two years now. This is a kid who directs everything down to what everyone is supposed to say ("say, 'oh, I wonder what's in there!' say that Mama, say that!") and tells me where I'm supposed to hide during a game of hide and seek. Sometimes I do okay, I give him a speech about how things don't always have to be perfect, that we can still have fun even if it doesn't go the way we planned. Other times, I have a mini-meltdown of my own and I wonder if it's ever really going to sink in. God forbid someone cut his sandwich the wrong way or open the door before he does!
Maybe he'll grow out of it, but I can name more than a few adults who have this same problem, and this is one thing I don't want him to carry with him all his life. It's one thing to want to do your best, but it can be debilitating if done to excess.
The other day we visited with some old friends who have a five year old daughter. The dad is one of my husband's best friends, they used to play in a band together. We met them at his parents' house where there is still a full drum set in the basement. Miles now wants to have a band and be a "drummer for life!". The two kids were playing happily in the basement, banging on drums and singing into the microphone, until the little girl came stomping up the stairs and sat down at the table, arms crossed and a frown on her face. Miles followed quickly after. He went up to her, put his hand on her shoulder and said,
"I know it's hard when you want things to be perfect, but things don't always have to be perfect."
She was not convinced, although eventually she was able to get over whatever it was and get back to playing again.
But right there my heart did a back flip and landed in a split, pom poms waving. He's listening! It's actually sinking in!
Even though I might have to give the same speech a hundred more times without any indication that he "gets it", he does hear me.
Keep on talking, even if you think it'll never sink in. Patience works both ways.
like my son Miles. He has a little bit of a perfectionist complex. He has to do things a certain way, and everything has to go exactly according to his plan or it's melt down city. I've been dealing with this for about two years now. This is a kid who directs everything down to what everyone is supposed to say ("say, 'oh, I wonder what's in there!' say that Mama, say that!") and tells me where I'm supposed to hide during a game of hide and seek. Sometimes I do okay, I give him a speech about how things don't always have to be perfect, that we can still have fun even if it doesn't go the way we planned. Other times, I have a mini-meltdown of my own and I wonder if it's ever really going to sink in. God forbid someone cut his sandwich the wrong way or open the door before he does!
Maybe he'll grow out of it, but I can name more than a few adults who have this same problem, and this is one thing I don't want him to carry with him all his life. It's one thing to want to do your best, but it can be debilitating if done to excess.
The other day we visited with some old friends who have a five year old daughter. The dad is one of my husband's best friends, they used to play in a band together. We met them at his parents' house where there is still a full drum set in the basement. Miles now wants to have a band and be a "drummer for life!". The two kids were playing happily in the basement, banging on drums and singing into the microphone, until the little girl came stomping up the stairs and sat down at the table, arms crossed and a frown on her face. Miles followed quickly after. He went up to her, put his hand on her shoulder and said,
"I know it's hard when you want things to be perfect, but things don't always have to be perfect."
She was not convinced, although eventually she was able to get over whatever it was and get back to playing again.
But right there my heart did a back flip and landed in a split, pom poms waving. He's listening! It's actually sinking in!
Even though I might have to give the same speech a hundred more times without any indication that he "gets it", he does hear me.
Keep on talking, even if you think it'll never sink in. Patience works both ways.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Making the best with what you've got!
Is it just me, or does the cold weather make you want to curl up under a blanket, read a book, and fall asleep?
I wish I was an animal and could hibernate all through winter.
Alas, I must dig out my snow boots and scarves, and find some mis-matched gloves. It adds an extra ten minutes to my morning routine of getting out the door, which is golden time when you have too little kids in tow.
Here are some tips that have kept me warm, thrifty, and sane this holiday:
Tip 1: my old winter boots broke (the soles came off and let the water in! no good) so instead of buying new ones, I cut the sleeves off an old wool sweater, sewed up the ends, and made long socks to fit inside and insulate my rain boots, voila! instant all-weather boots. (Seriously, I don't sew. If I can do this, anyone can.)
Tip 2: If your kids knock down the Christmas tree (a plastic one that is) and one of the legs breaks off, just take the top of the tree and put it with the taped-up base on top of a table or bookshelf. Ours is happily resting on top of the TV Wardrobe, away from rambunctious boys. Bonus: presents and breakable ornaments are also out of reach!
Tip 3: I often give this as a gift at Christmas time, but it's fun to just make for myself too. Instead of buying Swiss Miss, I make my own Hot Chocolate mix out of evaporated milk, Cocoa powder, powdered creamer, confectioners sugar, and mini chocolate chips...yum! There are tons of recipes online, but these are the basic ingredients, and the ratios often depend on your taste. You can mix it up by adding flavored creamer, or cinnamon, marshmallows, peppermint sticks...the possibilities are endless! (Tip: for extra chocolaty-ness add in a package of instant chocolate jello pudding. You're welcome.)
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hot-cocoa-mix/
What are some of your best tips for getting through the season?
I wish I was an animal and could hibernate all through winter.
Alas, I must dig out my snow boots and scarves, and find some mis-matched gloves. It adds an extra ten minutes to my morning routine of getting out the door, which is golden time when you have too little kids in tow.
Here are some tips that have kept me warm, thrifty, and sane this holiday:
Tip 1: my old winter boots broke (the soles came off and let the water in! no good) so instead of buying new ones, I cut the sleeves off an old wool sweater, sewed up the ends, and made long socks to fit inside and insulate my rain boots, voila! instant all-weather boots. (Seriously, I don't sew. If I can do this, anyone can.)
Tip 2: If your kids knock down the Christmas tree (a plastic one that is) and one of the legs breaks off, just take the top of the tree and put it with the taped-up base on top of a table or bookshelf. Ours is happily resting on top of the TV Wardrobe, away from rambunctious boys. Bonus: presents and breakable ornaments are also out of reach!
Tip 3: I often give this as a gift at Christmas time, but it's fun to just make for myself too. Instead of buying Swiss Miss, I make my own Hot Chocolate mix out of evaporated milk, Cocoa powder, powdered creamer, confectioners sugar, and mini chocolate chips...yum! There are tons of recipes online, but these are the basic ingredients, and the ratios often depend on your taste. You can mix it up by adding flavored creamer, or cinnamon, marshmallows, peppermint sticks...the possibilities are endless! (Tip: for extra chocolaty-ness add in a package of instant chocolate jello pudding. You're welcome.)
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hot-cocoa-mix/
What are some of your best tips for getting through the season?
Saturday, December 1, 2012
The Other Side of November
First, I want to apologize for not posting as regularly during this past month. I have a good excuse!
November is notoriously the most busy, gloriously crazy month of the year for me. Not because of the holidays, but because for the last four years I've participated in NanoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It's run by a non-profit organization called the Office of Letters and Light, and it's a challenge to write a Novel (50,000 words) in 30 days.
I've always wanted to be a writer, and the great thing about NanoWriMo, is that it pushes you to just write, write consistantly, and to let go of your inner editor (you know, that voice that says, "you're not a writer! what do you think you're doing! this is stupid, no one's going to want to read this!" He can be quite unpleasant.)
The joy I've found in letting the words flow, in creating worlds and letting my characters take me to new and unexpected places has brought me back year after year, and for the second time in four years I'm proud to say that I made my goal and can officially call myself a winner!
Phew!
It's been a wild ride. For those of you who cheered me on, Thank You! I wouldn't have made it without my writing buddies. One of the great things about this year was that I was able to do it along side so many people.
If you are interested in checking out NanoWriMo and all the great programs they do throughout the year, check out their website: http://nanowrimo.org/en/dashboard
As for me, a short breather and then it's on to the next frontier: Editing!
stay tuned for hair-pulling updates :)
Happy December!
November is notoriously the most busy, gloriously crazy month of the year for me. Not because of the holidays, but because for the last four years I've participated in NanoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It's run by a non-profit organization called the Office of Letters and Light, and it's a challenge to write a Novel (50,000 words) in 30 days.
I've always wanted to be a writer, and the great thing about NanoWriMo, is that it pushes you to just write, write consistantly, and to let go of your inner editor (you know, that voice that says, "you're not a writer! what do you think you're doing! this is stupid, no one's going to want to read this!" He can be quite unpleasant.)
The joy I've found in letting the words flow, in creating worlds and letting my characters take me to new and unexpected places has brought me back year after year, and for the second time in four years I'm proud to say that I made my goal and can officially call myself a winner!
Phew!
It's been a wild ride. For those of you who cheered me on, Thank You! I wouldn't have made it without my writing buddies. One of the great things about this year was that I was able to do it along side so many people.
If you are interested in checking out NanoWriMo and all the great programs they do throughout the year, check out their website: http://nanowrimo.org/en/dashboard
As for me, a short breather and then it's on to the next frontier: Editing!
stay tuned for hair-pulling updates :)
Happy December!
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