Aboji

Many of you have heard the news, that the founder of my church, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, passed away on September 3rd at 93 years old (Korea time).

Followers had been offering prayers and conditions for his health, ever since he entered the hospital almost two weeks ago. Many prayed for a miracle, but it is God's will be done, not ours.

When I first got the news, I lit a candle and said a short prayer for a safe journey. The whole day my facebook page was full of pictures and stories, statements of gratitude and love. I didn't have much time to reflect though while attending to the kids and getting ready for the start of the school week today. Later in the day I got a call from a reporter and was interviewed for the local paper. I got a little choked up at one point when I was telling her some of the stories and memories I had of seeing Father, but it still didn't really sink in. I was in an intilectual place of, "well we knew he was sick, he lived a long life, it was time, God bless".

(You can read the article here)

The next morning, before I even got out of bed, I immediately had this feeling like the world had completely turned upside down.

It may seem strange for some people, to grieve over this man. But you see, he is the reason that my parents are married. Without that I would not exist. My husband would not exist, and neither would our beautiful children. Thousands of people can say the same thing. Even if that was the only thing he had accomplished (spoiler alert: it's not!), it would be a tremendous legacy.

I have never known a time when he wasn't here. Suddenly, on that morning, the world felt different because of his absence.

I had been working on a different post this weekend and decided to do some writing. I sat down and played a TED talk video that I was basing it on. It is an inspiring video about a man who documented the democratic elections in Ghana. As I watched and listened to this man's story again, I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't just the story (I had watched the video several times already), but it was this intense feeling of empathy and longing; of love for another human being, and the common human experience. I felt his pain, his triumph, his heart, I understood him, not just intellectually, but as if he WERE me.

When I was a little girl, I used to have experiences where I would just start crying for no reason. Or I would see something that made me sad, like a lost pet or a friend's parents getting divorced, and I would dissolve into sobs for an hour, a kind of grief that I couldn't explain. Once when I woke up crying in the middle of the night, my Mother told me, "you are feeling the heart of God, he is sharing his heart with you."

Not since I was a little girl have I experienced it, until now. That's what I felt when I watched the video. I can't help but think that the recent events, perhaps Father Moon's spirit, has opened up that child like part of me, that deep connection to the Divine that I learned to suppress as an adolescent and adult.

For the first time I see it as a gift, that I can love people deeply and see them from God's viewpoint, even though it is also painful.

The past week has been a mix of emotions. While many people have been sharing wonderful and inspiring stories, it is hard to avoid the negative comments that we all expected. I was starting to get really sad, reading the comments that people were posting at the ends of articles about the passing, and even Facebook posts from people who I have called friends, openly mocking a dying man. I felt deep pain, and struggled to forgive them for the words that I found hurtful and disrespectful.

Rev. Moon's daughter, In Jin Moon, gave a speech this past week to members while updating people on her father's health. In it she talked about her own struggles as a child to accept her father and she recounted an incident where she asked her mother, "How do we know? How do we know if he is a Messiah?" and Mother responded, "It is not your belief that makes him who he is, it is God that anoints. It is God that chooses"

In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what God thinks. My heart for people, a deep love for others, the ability to understand "real" love and not just some Hollywood version, the wonderful family I had growing up, a supportive faith community, my amazing husband, my precious children, are all gifts that Father Moon has given me.

To those that still hold some animosity towards Rev. Moon, let this be a release for you, because as the Buddha says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

It is time to put on our thick skins, and embrace those that hurt us, the way Father did to the man who once imprisoned him. To love our enemies as Jesus taught, and maybe to realize that there really are no enemies, only our brothers and sisters, only ourselves, all part of the same human family, the same Heavenly Parent.

I love you all, may God be with you and your family.

that still small voice that people won't listen to...

"The impulse of the original mind, which everyone possesses, is to abhor evil and exalt goodness." - Introduction to The Divine Principle*

I used to be really concerned with making the "right" decision. Perhaps it is the training I received while on the debate team in high school, but I like to research things, especially if I am embarking on something new. When I am making a big decision (and sometimes not so big a decision), I get at it form every possible angle. In short, I have a tendency to over evaluate.

For example, my husband and I recently purchased a new car. While it only took a few hours to actually do a test drive and sign the papers, I spent about a month before hand doing research. I consulted consumer reports, expert websites, I got advice from friends and family. I compared SUVs to Minivans. I did a price and reliability comparison between the top five brands. Followed by a hundred choruses of "well what do you think?", to my husband. And I did it over and over again. Always second guessing, worrying about making the right decision. We could have gone on like this for another month if our current car hadn't broken down again and forced us to pull the trigger. In that frantic state, all the head spinning research went out the window and we made a quick decision. 24 hours later we were driving around in a new minivan with plenty of room for our two boys and the books full of research it took to get us there. While it's good to be prepared, it's also exhausting! At some point, you have to get off the endless information treadmill and make your choice. We ended up with what we had originally wanted before I made a personal crusade out of vetting it. It makes you wonder if all that work was really worth it.

When it came down to it, it wasn't the hundreds of hours spent on research that helped make a choice. It was simply listening to our own intuition. After all, there is no full proof "right" decision when it comes to choosing a car. Otherwise everyone would be driving around in the same model. Everyone has different needs, different values, and different ideas about what constitutes a bargain. It can only ever be the "right" decision for YOU.

Too often we think that the "right" decisions apply to bigger issues in life as well.

When I was deciding whether or not to go to College or STF*, I prayed to God for guidance. "Please God, help me to make the right decision." There it is again, that tricky little word, "right". I was sincere in my prayer. I really did want to make the right decision. I knew that I was leaning one way, but I was fully prepared to do whatever God wanted me to. That's when I heard God speak to me. It wasn't a booming, clouds parting, kind of voice. No, it was soft. In fact, it was hardly a voice at all. I only call it that because I lack any other way to describe it. It wasn't a sound audible by the ears, but it rose up inside of me. A complete sense of knowing. It said (or it was) "Whatever you choose is the right decision as long as you take responsibility for it. I want what you want, and I will always be with you."

Sure, sometimes God asks people to do things that they really don't want to, but most of the time he is like any other Father. He just wants his kids to be happy. And even if you make the "wrong" decision, and go down a path that you didn't foresee, it doesn't mean you've failed. "I will always be with you." No matter what. If you can learn from the experience and grow, then God has already turned it into a victory.

We use the term "original mind"*, but we seldom actually exercise the muscle. The Divine Principle says that it is in all of us. It is where God can communicate freely. It is there. Waiting. All the time. We merely need to tune our ears inward and listen.

It's nice to feel like other's agree with our choices. Especially if these "others" have some sort of degree or expertise. In the end though, you are the one who has to live with it.

So, what if you valued your own opinion as much as everyone else's?

What if, it's not so much about "right" and "wrong", but about being able to take responsibility for the choices that you make?

What if, you already have all of the answers you need? You just have to listen to the whispers of your original mind.

In the immortal words of Jiminy Cricket: "always let your conscience be your guide."







*For my non-Unificationist readers:

- The Divine Principle (DP): the teachings of Rev. Sun Myung Moon, the main theological text book of the Unification Church (UC).

- STF: Special Task Force. A program designed as a leadership training, and spiritual mission for high school graduates or college age students of the UC. The program has been revamped and is now called "Generation Peace Academy" (GPA)

- Original Mind: The original mind, or original nature is the one that existed in human beings before the fall of man. The DP teaches that humans struggle within themselves between their original God given nature, and the "satanic" or fallen nature that was acquired and inherited as a result of the fall.

Mother God

"God is the harmonious union of masculinity and femininity." -Divine Principle, Chapter 1, Section 1

The Ancient Greek philosopher Plato, wrote that human beings were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. They were both male and female. Zues, fearing that humans were too powerful, split them in two. Incomplete, humans were from then on destined to roam the earth in search of their other half that would make them whole. This is where the term "soul-mates" originates.

When I think about the Dual Characteristics of God as explained in the DP, I sometimes picture this primordial creature with two faces lumbering around up in heaven. It's hard to get your head around, so to speak. Especially since all the language (even in the DP) refers to God as "he" or "our father".

As a woman, to know that my likeness is not merely a symbol of God, but an actual image, that there is complete divinity in my form. It makes me feel like, well...a Goddess.

In a Western society, it's hard to grasp the concept of a female God, and even harder to imagine a being that is both male and female. The more I experience and study, the more I think that perhaps our language of male and female is limiting in and of itself. These are things that no one really knows until we're on the other side. Perhaps not even then.

To talk about what it looks like doesn't really matter though. The more important part, is how we acknowledge the feminine side of God here and now.

These are some of the ways that I think I have experienced God The Mother:

In Nature

It's called "Mother" Earth after all. The beauty of the spring flowers; the expanse of the Grand Canyon; The warmth of the sun and the softness of the grass; The way the ground can produce food to nurture and feed all the animals of creation.

In Female Relationships

We feel the love of Mother God through our own mothers, grandmothers, friends, even strangers. Isn't it funny how you can feel instantly connected to someone who is a complete stranger as long as you can identify with their situation? I love meeting other moms at the park or the grocery store. They give me a knowing look when my kids start acting up, or I'm having a hard time folding up the stroller. They've been there. Or how you root for the heroin in any movie or drama who is fighting against injustice. A lone female voice in a man's world. You know her because she is you too.


Childbirth

No explanation necessary for the mothers...and for everyone else, no explanation will do it justice.

Music

Like when your mother would sing you a lullaby. Music stirs up the soul. It is an outward expression of things that cannot simply be expressed in words. Love, heartache, longing, ambition, serenity, all in a tangible form.


What are some ways that you experience or express Mother God?