Winter's Wrath, a poem inspired by my SAD

Winter’s Wrath

by Laurel Nakai

The darkness came first.

Descended like a curtain, slowly, day by day,

until suddenly

we had to turn our lights on to eat dinner.

We went to bed with slippers,

thinking we could trap the warmth,

ration it for the days ahead.

The winds snapped frigid branches and thoughts

bitter and broken

on the shivering earth.

The winter’s wrath is the impenetrable depression,

and soon we were buried.

A layer of ice lies between

the ground and fresh powder.

There was life here once...

Water soaking into soil

sprouting stems and grass

leaves and petals

hope and apathy.

The ice covers all our happy memories.

Desperate longing for something just out of reach.

I can see them if I brush away the snow--fingers

stinging with cold and spite

I can see them, through

distorted glass

the same place where Spring began

All my shovels are broken

the salt pail empty.

There is no chipping away.

only melting

only waiting

only believing, in the languid thaw.

Ode to Being Lame

As I sang along to, "I can't make you love me" on the radio in my car, I thought about how this was the new "oldies" music, and how when my kids are grown they will think everything I like is totally lame (including the phrase, "totally lame"). I'm turning 30 in less than two months, and it actually feels really good. I feel like I'm just starting to get to know the real me, and the more I age, the less I tend to worry about what other people think. The less I tolerate toxic people or situations in my life. The less I get dragged down by drama. Perhaps it's the fate of all parents to be lame, but not because they've given up or let themselves go. Maybe they just know about the things that really matter and they are paving the way for their children, setting the example. It's okay to be lame, it's good, it's wonderful, come join me! I love you no matter what.

Ode to Being Lame

Here's to mom jeans and sappy love songs,
To staying in on a Friday night
To watching flowers bloom in my garden
To saving $1 on milk
To library books
To walks with the dog
To finally cleaning out the garage

To a beat up pair of sneakers that never give me blisters
To a new recipe for dinner, made with whatever is left in the fridge

Oh, to escape the shackles of trendy!
To kick off high-heeled shoes!
To happy, with what I have!
To comfortable, in my skin!

Oh, to lose the race!

To lie down!

To make mistakes and be forgiven!
To sing and dance and not care who is watching!

To wrinkles from smiling
To sun on my face
To speak, what I feel
To hear, my own voice

To say, "I love you" without fear,
"Goodbye" without guilt

Down with IN

and should

and better 

and can't

and no

and someday

Here’s to being on the outs,

to Love

to Give
to Choose

to Yes

to Now

and 

Why not?