This is a piece I wrote for a recent issue of UC Lifestyle Magazine. You can get yourself a copy or subscribe here!
The Healing Circle
“The
wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
― Rumi
The
florescent lights hummed in tune with the soft meditative music in
the background, as I said a silent prayer to my Native American
ancestors, both known and nameless. We sat facing each other, our
chairs lined up in a circle. It was a small group, a pastor, a young
college graduate, moms, dads, professionals, all from various
divergent paths. This was not a meeting or social gathering. We came
together that evening with the intention of having our voices heard,
and through that process, to open a gateway for healing.
I
came across the idea by chance, a random blog post about healing
circles that coincided with my own longing to address issues I was
dealing with in my own life. As I researched more and spoke with
others about creating something for the community, I was met with
such enthusiasm, that I realized there was really a collective
yearning for this kind of emotional healing. Though we all experience
pain at different times in our lives and in different ways, we are
surprisingly similar in the way we tend to deal with it. Often, our
need to "just be okay" supersedes our willingness to deal
with our pain, and so it gets buried before we've had a chance to
properly heal. We may go months or even years without looking at our
wounds, only to have them burst open at the next crisis or road block
that life sends our way.
The
healing circle, comes from the Native American tradition of "Talking
Circles", which were used by many tribes as a means of
dialoguing about difficult issues and even making major decisions.
The circle is a sacred symbol to the Native Americans. They observed
the circle present in all of nature; in the planets, the movement of
the sun and moon, and the passing of the seasons. The circle
symbolizes that no one voice is more important than another. On the
contrary, each person brings their own truth to the circle and makes
the circle complete by their presence, adding to the truth of the
whole. The circle provides a sacred and supportive space for open
communication.
In
modern times, the talking circle has been utilized as an effective
tool in twelve step programs and support groups, in anything from
diabetes to drug addiction. Circles can be geared towards a specific
group--a women’s circle or teen circle--or address a particular
concern or topic. It can be done in a church, at home, or out in
nature. Part of the beauty of the circle is that you don’t need to
be an expert. Anyone can do it. All you need is the desire and a few
basic instructions.
What
you’ll need:
A
Circle Keeper: The circle keeper is the person who leads the circle.
Their role is not to be a leader in the sense that they dominate the
discussion, but merely to facilitate the process and to make sure all
of the rules are followed.
3-12
people: it works best with a smaller group since there is more time
for each person to share. I would suggest no more than 20.
Talking
piece: the talking piece is an object of significance used to
facilitate the communication in the circle. Only the person who is
holding the talking piece may speak. The Native Americans used a
talking stick, engraved or adorned with items of spiritual
significance. For our NJ group, we used a holy candle.
The
Rules
Rules
for speaking:
Only
the person who holds the talking piece may speak.
Speak
from your own perspective, not as a representative of a larger group
or another person
Be
honest
Try
to be concise out of respect for others' sharing.
Rules
for listening:
Support
the person who is speaking
Do
not try to respond to their sharing, a smile, or nod is an acceptable
response
Listen
with sincerity and compassion
Confidentiality,
“whatever happens in the circle, stays in the circle”
It
is okay to disagree, no name calling or attacking. This is not a
debate. There is no need to come to a solution or even a consensus.
The
Process:
Pray:
for God to be present in our speaking and listening. To open our
hearts to hear God's lessons through the sharing of others, to be an
avenue for God's love in our sharing and listening. To begin a
process of healing.
Passes:
(each question is one pass around the circle, if someone does not
want to the answer question, they simply pass the talking piece to
the next person)
Examples
of possible questions:
1.
The first pass is simply to get the energy and communication flowing.
Start with something simple like sharing a positive aspect of your
day. If members of the group do not know each other, short
introductions would be appropriate.
2.
How has (specific issue) affected me?
3.
What lessons have I learned?
4.
What is left unsaid?
5.
Open discussion/Reflection (if time allows. You may decide as a group
in the beginning if you want to have an open discussion at the end,
or you may find that you don’t need it. This is up to the
discretion of the circle keeper and the other participants according
to the spirit of the room and the time.)
End
with a symbolic offering to God. For our circle, we placed the holy
candle that we had used as the talking piece, in the middle of the
circle and said a prayer to offer all of our sharing up to God.
One
thing that I have learned about healing, is that it can only happen if
we let ourselves open the wound. We must dig deep and pull out all of
the anger and resentment, the grief and the sorrow. We must
acknowledge it and give it a name. We must not be afraid to feel it,
because once we do, then we can start to do something about it. When
we release the pain it opens up a space for healing, and eventually,
peace.
