The other morning I came out to find my yoga mat rolled out on the kitchen floor. No doubt my four year old had gotten it out for some game or experiment. As I waited for my coffee to brew, I stretched out into downward dog. It felt good, though my muscles were tight and my arms a bit wobbly. I've been neglecting my yoga practice. For several weeks now I've been feeling the effects on my body, knowing that I should start again, knowing how much a regular practice helps me not only physically but mentally and spiritually. So why did it take this long to get back there?
Sometimes the hardest part is unrolling the mat.
I've been having writer's block lately too, as evidenced by the length between now and my last post. There are lots of methods and tips out there, but again, the hardest part is opening the notebook or turning on the computer. The first word on a blank page is rarely as scary as the idea of it. I've come to accept that there is no cure, only choices. Even if I write one sentence, because I made the choice to begin, that choice gives me power, and it's one sentence more than when I started! It's not always chronological steps (1, 2, 3), but a series of firsts, over and over.
Unroll the mat, write the first word, take the first step.
Then, do it again tomorrow.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Monday, September 10, 2012
Drops in a bucket
It has been a crazy few weeks, a crazy few days. But it has also been a unique time for reflection. I feel like lessons have been pouring down on me, trials of faith, hardship, loss, all bring the gift of wisdom if we choose to receive them that way.
I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights, and in my sleep deprived, under caffeinated state, I can't quite bring myself to piece together a long and thoughtful post. So instead I want to share with you just a few drops of wisdom, things I have been thinking about and reflecting on in the last few days. I don't think they need much extrapolation except for in whatever way you might apply them to your own life, because isn't that what matters anyway?
The accompanying pictures are from this past Saturday when the family and I spent the day at a farm picking apples and peaches. Enjoy!
Do not make idols of men, or put people up on a pedestal. Men will falter and fall short, as we all do. When my faith is in God and not the works of men, including my own, then it is strong and unshakable.
The most important thing, and the most valuable thing I ever learned was how to Love, and the meaning of REAL Love. I would gladly trade my college degree for that. That kind of education is priceless and precious.
Never judge. Only God knows the path that someone else has had to walk. All of life is a mirror, when we judge others we judge ourselves.
If you get mud thrown in your face, do not throw it back, but do not hide your emotions either. Let yourself feel pain, so that you can move quickly to a place of compassion, forgiveness, and peace.
It is not a burden to serve others, but a precious gift. If you are lucky enough to be well situated in life, it is your honor, not your duty, to give of yourself whether it be your money, time, or love.
I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights, and in my sleep deprived, under caffeinated state, I can't quite bring myself to piece together a long and thoughtful post. So instead I want to share with you just a few drops of wisdom, things I have been thinking about and reflecting on in the last few days. I don't think they need much extrapolation except for in whatever way you might apply them to your own life, because isn't that what matters anyway?
The accompanying pictures are from this past Saturday when the family and I spent the day at a farm picking apples and peaches. Enjoy!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Let the sunshine in
As I was straightening up the house the other day I decided to wash all of the windows and mirrors. With the constant parade of laundry, dishes, and child-based messes, this is a chore I get around to every couple of months if that. It's a simple thing, and doesn't take that much elbow grease, but it's amazing what a difference it makes. You don't even realize how compromised your view was until you are suddenly staring through a crystal clear window.
It made me think about how we all have metaphorical smudges, things that keep us from seeing the world clearly. It could be anger or resentment, maybe a grudge we are holding. Maybe it's something we have been ignoring or putting off, like a hard conversation, or finally starting that exercise routine, or quitting smoking. Maybe it's our own beliefs about who we are, how we are unworthy or not good enough. Maybe it's the judgements we make about other people, expecting them to be perfect or live up to our own standards that even we fall short of. More than likely, it's a combination of many things that accumulate over time. And just like the dirty windows, after a certain point we stop noticing the smudges, and it becomes the filter through which we see the world. We may not even know what we are missing until we take the time to wipe the windows clean. Who knew the glass could be so clear? The sun could shine so bright?
It made me think about how we all have metaphorical smudges, things that keep us from seeing the world clearly. It could be anger or resentment, maybe a grudge we are holding. Maybe it's something we have been ignoring or putting off, like a hard conversation, or finally starting that exercise routine, or quitting smoking. Maybe it's our own beliefs about who we are, how we are unworthy or not good enough. Maybe it's the judgements we make about other people, expecting them to be perfect or live up to our own standards that even we fall short of. More than likely, it's a combination of many things that accumulate over time. And just like the dirty windows, after a certain point we stop noticing the smudges, and it becomes the filter through which we see the world. We may not even know what we are missing until we take the time to wipe the windows clean. Who knew the glass could be so clear? The sun could shine so bright?
Thursday, July 12, 2012
The BIG Story
I picked up a book at the library a few weeks ago called "Spiritual Parenting". The concept peeked my interest because I often think about how to instill spiritual values in my children. The author, a Christian, talks in the beginning about how most Christian children are educated about the Bible when they are young. Most of the time they hear bits and pieces, random stories (Noah's arc, Moses, the birth of Jesus, etc.), and not necessarily in chronological order. She said that while these stories have value on their own, the real power of the Bible is the BIG story. When all these stories are put into context, they become part of a much grander story, the work of God throughout the generations to bring about a savior to the earth. Jesus becomes the hero in an epic tale of good vs. evil, and his promise to return again helps them see where they fit into the big picture.
My first thought when reading this was, "wow, that actually IS how I was taught about the Bible." Thank you, Providence of Restoration*.
Second, I thought about what it means to have a BIG Story as an individual. We often cannot see how our present moment is shaping our future, how the things we are going through, or investing in now, may manifest down the road. We often don't notice in the moment how God is working, or how the Universe is guiding us behind the scenes.
When I look back at specific times in my life, my relationship with my husband for example, I can see how God worked to prepare us for each other, how he was orchestrating everything way before we knew. Why should now be any different? We cannot see it just yet because we are too close, but that's what faith is. We don't know how things will turn out, but faith is trusting that God is always there watching over us. Faith is trusting in the process and knowing that we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves.
What is your BIG Story? Hint: it's not over yet!
*Providence of Restoration: refers to the Chapters in the Divine Principle that talk about how God worked to restore humanity after the fall of Adam and Eve to bring about a foundation for Jesus to come to earth. All of the stories in the Bible play a role in laying the foundation for the Messiah.
My first thought when reading this was, "wow, that actually IS how I was taught about the Bible." Thank you, Providence of Restoration*.
Second, I thought about what it means to have a BIG Story as an individual. We often cannot see how our present moment is shaping our future, how the things we are going through, or investing in now, may manifest down the road. We often don't notice in the moment how God is working, or how the Universe is guiding us behind the scenes.
When I look back at specific times in my life, my relationship with my husband for example, I can see how God worked to prepare us for each other, how he was orchestrating everything way before we knew. Why should now be any different? We cannot see it just yet because we are too close, but that's what faith is. We don't know how things will turn out, but faith is trusting that God is always there watching over us. Faith is trusting in the process and knowing that we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves.
What is your BIG Story? Hint: it's not over yet!
*Providence of Restoration: refers to the Chapters in the Divine Principle that talk about how God worked to restore humanity after the fall of Adam and Eve to bring about a foundation for Jesus to come to earth. All of the stories in the Bible play a role in laying the foundation for the Messiah.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I used to be a rockstar: Part 2
That's me about four months pregnant! I was so dedicated back then ;)
There is a difference between creative fields and other areas of work or study. If you want to be a teacher, you go to school and you take a test to get your certificate. If you want to be a doctor, you do a lot more school and tests, along with residencies and internships. There is a certain protocol that you must follow in order to have that MD or PhD appear at the end of your name. But if you are a musician, or a writer, or a painter (even if you actually study it professionally), at what point do you get to take on that title?
When I was pursuing music, I thought that I had to get somewhere before I could call myself a "real musician". I had to put out an album, or sign a label, or be doing a certain amount of gigs every week.
Our culture is based so much on "what you do". It's often the first question you are asked when you meet someone. I remember always feeling uncomfortable with this, because I felt like I was being defined by that and yet it didn't feel true to who I was. I remember a certain fear too, of being able to say, "I'm a singer-songwriter". I was always afraid that people would think I was naive, that behind their smiles they were thinking, "yeah right, that's not a real job." I felt like I had to prove myself, give a list of the places I had played recently, or have a copy of a demo cd that I could hand them. Putting "Singer-Songwriter" on my linked in page a couple of years ago was no small gesture for me.
It took a long time for me to realize that what you do is not who you are, and who you are is not just about what you do. If you are a writer, you write, if you are a singer, you sing. If you are a painter, you paint. There are no fancy degrees that will give you the title, and it doesn't matter if anyone else agrees with you or not. How you make money is not who you are, and if you never make any money at what you're passionate about, that doesn't mean it isn't a part of who you are.
When I started to act from a place of being instead of lack (like I was trying to get to a certain status I hadn't reached yet), that's when things really started to blossom. I felt a certain calm too, I was able to slow down and enjoy the process, instead of always wishing to be at that final destination, whatever I thought that may look like at the time.
So my "part two" story is some advice for anyone aspiring to the creative arts: Stop trying to be, and start being. I suppose it's good advice for anyone. Even a medical student, if it's who you are, then you don't need the piece of paper to start feeling like a doctor. (not saying you should go into surgery tomorrow, but you get the idea!) It's already there, you just haven't accessed it yet.
The Buddha says, "we are what we think". When we change our thinking, the universe will conform itself to you.
There is also no rule that says you can only ever be one thing. Our passions change, we change, things may go out of our lives, they may or may not come back. One of my biggest musical influences, Joni Mitchell, was also a painter. She used to go through periods of writing music, and then go back to painting. Though she was never as well known for her art, it was something that she loved and I'm sure by acknowledging that part of herself, it made her music better as well.
We are all called to different things, not all of us can be painters or musicians, most of us will never be famous. But if we follow our dreams and don't get stopped by fear, we can do great things, because we already are great.
Friday, June 8, 2012
In Memory of Japan
AP Photo/The Oregonian, Thomas Boyd
A couple of days ago, the first peice of debris from the Japanese Tsunami washed up on shore in Oregon. A 70-foot concrete dock journeyed roughly 5,000 miles across the pacific, with native Japanese starfish and other various forms of life, clinging to the wreckage. Just the journey itself must have been harrowing, not even taking into account the reason for it's departure.
Two things struck me when watching the footage of kids taking pictures and scientists scrapping off and bagging organisms.
First: The juxtaposition of wonder, excitement, curiosity, and the knowledge of the tragedy that brought it here. What a dynamic symbol of our interconnected world too, that something that happens thousands of miles away affects all of us. It's like being witness to a modern day Pompeii. A whole town, without any warning, completely decimated. Now, only a year later, the little clues and pieces become a part of history. A relic of another world.
Second: It was a reminder that we are never guaranteed tomorrow. That in the blink of an eye, everything you have can be gone. There is nothing like a natural disaster to remind us of our own mortality, and thus, our shared humanity. No science, no magic pill, can ever guarantee us more time. I expect that most of us, at least in the first world, have the idea that we will live well into our seventies at least, with grandchildren running around our feet. And isn't that a lovely picture. But tomorrow there could be a tornado, or a car accident, or even a heart attack. That's not to say that we should live in fear, as if death is lurking around every corner. But let it be a reminder to appreciate the time that we have, to make the most of it, to chose to be happy, to chose to focus on the things that matter.
And never forget to appreciate the people you love, because they are not guaranteed tomorrow either.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the chance to be alive, however long it may be. We are not promised quantity, but we can do something about the quality.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
with a little help from my friends
Today, I just want to be silly for awhile. Writing is an incredibly introspective, and solitary pursuit. Sometimes you can start to take yourself a bit too seriously. Every now and then I have to get down on the floor and build a fort with my three year old, or if I'm writing, make my characters go to a carnival or find a magic soda can that takes them back in time.
We all have responsibility, and looking around at the problems of the world, it can seem like we don't have time to play games. But that's just what makes life worth living, and what helps us carry on through the tough times. Maybe if we all laughed more and took ourselves less seriously some of the problems wouldn't be so big, or at least so daunting.
I am lucky to have many different kinds of friends in my life.
I have friends that I've known since I was four. Friends that I have only known recently but who have become just as close. Friends that listen and support me. Friends that share my love of coffee and books. I have friends who challenge me, and friends who comfort me. Friends that I don't have to put on makeup for. Mommy friends, who understand the joys and challenges of raising children, and who are always up for a play date. Artist friends, who bug me about writing my novel (love you Renee, I'm working on it I promise!), or jam with me when I want to sing. Friends that always seem to be there when I need a helping hand. Friends that are far away but never far from my thoughts.
But my best friends are the ones that make me laugh. The ones that make it so that it doesn't matter who else is around. The ones where silly is a prerequisite. The ones that know all your inside jokes. The ones, that wherever you go you know there is the possibility of an adventure. Even if you get stuck in traffic and spill mango Snapple all over the car, or break the half and half machine in the cafeteria...it will be a good day, because you'll be laughing, together.
So here's to friendship and silliness. May you have an abundance of both.
We all have responsibility, and looking around at the problems of the world, it can seem like we don't have time to play games. But that's just what makes life worth living, and what helps us carry on through the tough times. Maybe if we all laughed more and took ourselves less seriously some of the problems wouldn't be so big, or at least so daunting.
I am lucky to have many different kinds of friends in my life.
I have friends that I've known since I was four. Friends that I have only known recently but who have become just as close. Friends that listen and support me. Friends that share my love of coffee and books. I have friends who challenge me, and friends who comfort me. Friends that I don't have to put on makeup for. Mommy friends, who understand the joys and challenges of raising children, and who are always up for a play date. Artist friends, who bug me about writing my novel (love you Renee, I'm working on it I promise!), or jam with me when I want to sing. Friends that always seem to be there when I need a helping hand. Friends that are far away but never far from my thoughts.
But my best friends are the ones that make me laugh. The ones that make it so that it doesn't matter who else is around. The ones where silly is a prerequisite. The ones that know all your inside jokes. The ones, that wherever you go you know there is the possibility of an adventure. Even if you get stuck in traffic and spill mango Snapple all over the car, or break the half and half machine in the cafeteria...it will be a good day, because you'll be laughing, together.
So here's to friendship and silliness. May you have an abundance of both.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
that still small voice that people won't listen to...
"The impulse of the original mind, which everyone possesses, is to abhor evil and exalt goodness." - Introduction to The Divine Principle*
I used to be really concerned with making the "right" decision. Perhaps it is the training I received while on the debate team in high school, but I like to research things, especially if I am embarking on something new. When I am making a big decision (and sometimes not so big a decision), I get at it form every possible angle. In short, I have a tendency to over evaluate.
For example, my husband and I recently purchased a new car. While it only took a few hours to actually do a test drive and sign the papers, I spent about a month before hand doing research. I consulted consumer reports, expert websites, I got advice from friends and family. I compared SUVs to Minivans. I did a price and reliability comparison between the top five brands. Followed by a hundred choruses of "well what do you think?", to my husband. And I did it over and over again. Always second guessing, worrying about making the right decision. We could have gone on like this for another month if our current car hadn't broken down again and forced us to pull the trigger. In that frantic state, all the head spinning research went out the window and we made a quick decision. 24 hours later we were driving around in a new minivan with plenty of room for our two boys and the books full of research it took to get us there. While it's good to be prepared, it's also exhausting! At some point, you have to get off the endless information treadmill and make your choice. We ended up with what we had originally wanted before I made a personal crusade out of vetting it. It makes you wonder if all that work was really worth it.
When it came down to it, it wasn't the hundreds of hours spent on research that helped make a choice. It was simply listening to our own intuition. After all, there is no full proof "right" decision when it comes to choosing a car. Otherwise everyone would be driving around in the same model. Everyone has different needs, different values, and different ideas about what constitutes a bargain. It can only ever be the "right" decision for YOU.
Too often we think that the "right" decisions apply to bigger issues in life as well.
When I was deciding whether or not to go to College or STF*, I prayed to God for guidance. "Please God, help me to make the right decision." There it is again, that tricky little word, "right". I was sincere in my prayer. I really did want to make the right decision. I knew that I was leaning one way, but I was fully prepared to do whatever God wanted me to. That's when I heard God speak to me. It wasn't a booming, clouds parting, kind of voice. No, it was soft. In fact, it was hardly a voice at all. I only call it that because I lack any other way to describe it. It wasn't a sound audible by the ears, but it rose up inside of me. A complete sense of knowing. It said (or it was) "Whatever you choose is the right decision as long as you take responsibility for it. I want what you want, and I will always be with you."
Sure, sometimes God asks people to do things that they really don't want to, but most of the time he is like any other Father. He just wants his kids to be happy. And even if you make the "wrong" decision, and go down a path that you didn't foresee, it doesn't mean you've failed. "I will always be with you." No matter what. If you can learn from the experience and grow, then God has already turned it into a victory.
We use the term "original mind"*, but we seldom actually exercise the muscle. The Divine Principle says that it is in all of us. It is where God can communicate freely. It is there. Waiting. All the time. We merely need to tune our ears inward and listen.
It's nice to feel like other's agree with our choices. Especially if these "others" have some sort of degree or expertise. In the end though, you are the one who has to live with it.
So, what if you valued your own opinion as much as everyone else's?
What if, it's not so much about "right" and "wrong", but about being able to take responsibility for the choices that you make?
What if, you already have all of the answers you need? You just have to listen to the whispers of your original mind.
In the immortal words of Jiminy Cricket: "always let your conscience be your guide."
*For my non-Unificationist readers:
- The Divine Principle (DP): the teachings of Rev. Sun Myung Moon, the main theological text book of the Unification Church (UC).
- STF: Special Task Force. A program designed as a leadership training, and spiritual mission for high school graduates or college age students of the UC. The program has been revamped and is now called "Generation Peace Academy" (GPA)
- Original Mind: The original mind, or original nature is the one that existed in human beings before the fall of man. The DP teaches that humans struggle within themselves between their original God given nature, and the "satanic" or fallen nature that was acquired and inherited as a result of the fall.
I used to be really concerned with making the "right" decision. Perhaps it is the training I received while on the debate team in high school, but I like to research things, especially if I am embarking on something new. When I am making a big decision (and sometimes not so big a decision), I get at it form every possible angle. In short, I have a tendency to over evaluate.
For example, my husband and I recently purchased a new car. While it only took a few hours to actually do a test drive and sign the papers, I spent about a month before hand doing research. I consulted consumer reports, expert websites, I got advice from friends and family. I compared SUVs to Minivans. I did a price and reliability comparison between the top five brands. Followed by a hundred choruses of "well what do you think?", to my husband. And I did it over and over again. Always second guessing, worrying about making the right decision. We could have gone on like this for another month if our current car hadn't broken down again and forced us to pull the trigger. In that frantic state, all the head spinning research went out the window and we made a quick decision. 24 hours later we were driving around in a new minivan with plenty of room for our two boys and the books full of research it took to get us there. While it's good to be prepared, it's also exhausting! At some point, you have to get off the endless information treadmill and make your choice. We ended up with what we had originally wanted before I made a personal crusade out of vetting it. It makes you wonder if all that work was really worth it.
When it came down to it, it wasn't the hundreds of hours spent on research that helped make a choice. It was simply listening to our own intuition. After all, there is no full proof "right" decision when it comes to choosing a car. Otherwise everyone would be driving around in the same model. Everyone has different needs, different values, and different ideas about what constitutes a bargain. It can only ever be the "right" decision for YOU.
Too often we think that the "right" decisions apply to bigger issues in life as well.
When I was deciding whether or not to go to College or STF*, I prayed to God for guidance. "Please God, help me to make the right decision." There it is again, that tricky little word, "right". I was sincere in my prayer. I really did want to make the right decision. I knew that I was leaning one way, but I was fully prepared to do whatever God wanted me to. That's when I heard God speak to me. It wasn't a booming, clouds parting, kind of voice. No, it was soft. In fact, it was hardly a voice at all. I only call it that because I lack any other way to describe it. It wasn't a sound audible by the ears, but it rose up inside of me. A complete sense of knowing. It said (or it was) "Whatever you choose is the right decision as long as you take responsibility for it. I want what you want, and I will always be with you."
Sure, sometimes God asks people to do things that they really don't want to, but most of the time he is like any other Father. He just wants his kids to be happy. And even if you make the "wrong" decision, and go down a path that you didn't foresee, it doesn't mean you've failed. "I will always be with you." No matter what. If you can learn from the experience and grow, then God has already turned it into a victory.
We use the term "original mind"*, but we seldom actually exercise the muscle. The Divine Principle says that it is in all of us. It is where God can communicate freely. It is there. Waiting. All the time. We merely need to tune our ears inward and listen.
It's nice to feel like other's agree with our choices. Especially if these "others" have some sort of degree or expertise. In the end though, you are the one who has to live with it.
So, what if you valued your own opinion as much as everyone else's?
What if, it's not so much about "right" and "wrong", but about being able to take responsibility for the choices that you make?
What if, you already have all of the answers you need? You just have to listen to the whispers of your original mind.
In the immortal words of Jiminy Cricket: "always let your conscience be your guide."
*For my non-Unificationist readers:
- The Divine Principle (DP): the teachings of Rev. Sun Myung Moon, the main theological text book of the Unification Church (UC).
- STF: Special Task Force. A program designed as a leadership training, and spiritual mission for high school graduates or college age students of the UC. The program has been revamped and is now called "Generation Peace Academy" (GPA)
- Original Mind: The original mind, or original nature is the one that existed in human beings before the fall of man. The DP teaches that humans struggle within themselves between their original God given nature, and the "satanic" or fallen nature that was acquired and inherited as a result of the fall.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
That I Would Be Good
The baby and I both have a cold, and I'm washing my hands furiously to make sure Miles doesn't pick it up (he has a field trip tomorrow!) Needless to say, I need some rest in place of my usual writing time.
Instead of a lengthy post I thought I would let Alanis speak for me! (come on 90's children, you know you love her). I was in the car the other day and this came on my ipod rotation. It never fails to get me a little choked up, and I found this nice acoustic version of it on YouTube.
This song to me expresses our universal need to feel loved, that childlike nature that seeks approval. Lately, when talking to my son, I have tried to make a distinction between his actions and himself. So instead of saying, "don't be a bad boy", I can point out that his actions are wrong, but he will always be "good", even if...
Enjoy!
That I Would Be Good lyrics
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
Alanis Morissette
Friday, May 18, 2012
All you need
"All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up."- Pablo Picasso
One of the worst fears for a writer, for any creative person I think, is the fear that you will run out of things to say. Especially after accomplishing something big, like you write that first book. You are barely done celebrating your acheivement before there is the daunting task of a sequel. I used to feel this when I would write music, after finishing a song that I felt proud of. What if this is my best one? What if after this I won't have any more good ideas. As if creativity was a well that could somehow dry up.
Living with this scarcity mindset is not only anxiety producing, but completley self sabotoging.
Creativity is not a limited resource. In fact, if you foster it, it will multiply ten times over. You are not the same person from year to year, day to day, or moment to moment. Everything changes, and that's a good thing, because that's where the spark of inspiration lies. There will always be something new to say, because you will be a new person saying it.
A good artist is an observer. She is someone who sees a metaphor for life when she comes across a bird building a nest. He watches people and wonders what they are thinking, puts himself in their shoes, and in doing so recognizes their common humanity.
You may not be an artist by trade, but everyone has an inner artist. It's the child who sees beauty and magic in everything. Creativity, inspiration, beauty, is always there all around you. All you have to do is learn how to tap into it. Like Luke Skywalker channeling "The Force."
A writer friend once told me while discussing a difficult experience, "well, at least I can use this for my writing!"
Be grateful for what life brings. Pay attention. Find the small pleasures. Release your inner artist.
As I write this, this song keeps going through my head:
"There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy..."
you fill in the blank :)
One of the worst fears for a writer, for any creative person I think, is the fear that you will run out of things to say. Especially after accomplishing something big, like you write that first book. You are barely done celebrating your acheivement before there is the daunting task of a sequel. I used to feel this when I would write music, after finishing a song that I felt proud of. What if this is my best one? What if after this I won't have any more good ideas. As if creativity was a well that could somehow dry up.
Living with this scarcity mindset is not only anxiety producing, but completley self sabotoging.
Creativity is not a limited resource. In fact, if you foster it, it will multiply ten times over. You are not the same person from year to year, day to day, or moment to moment. Everything changes, and that's a good thing, because that's where the spark of inspiration lies. There will always be something new to say, because you will be a new person saying it.
A good artist is an observer. She is someone who sees a metaphor for life when she comes across a bird building a nest. He watches people and wonders what they are thinking, puts himself in their shoes, and in doing so recognizes their common humanity.
You may not be an artist by trade, but everyone has an inner artist. It's the child who sees beauty and magic in everything. Creativity, inspiration, beauty, is always there all around you. All you have to do is learn how to tap into it. Like Luke Skywalker channeling "The Force."
A writer friend once told me while discussing a difficult experience, "well, at least I can use this for my writing!"
Be grateful for what life brings. Pay attention. Find the small pleasures. Release your inner artist.
As I write this, this song keeps going through my head:
"There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy..."
you fill in the blank :)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Secret Heart
"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them--words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more that that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear." - Stephen King
I discovered this quote back in high school (don't ask me how many years ago!) and proceeded to tuck it away inside notebooks and journals. For a long time this summed up exactly how I related to my own hopes and dreams. I used to be afraid to talk about my passions, as if it would jinx it somehow. I treated them like precious pieces of glass that had to be protected from scrutinizing ears. I remember a time when I actually did tear up while talking to someone about my desire to be a writer. I felt completely naked and exposed, and I couldn't wait to run away and hide; to tuck my secret away again where it would be safe. The problem though is to keep your dreams locked away is to surely see them perish. Like Lenny, in "of Mice and Men", if you hold on too tightly it will die (Shout out to my eleventh grade English teacher).
Safety is a comfy place to be, but it's an illusion. It's something we create. There is never a guarantee that things will work out how you've planned, regardless of all of the precautions you have taken. I say this not to be paranoid, but to encourage you to free yourself from the cage that the illusion of safety creates. When you dare to take a risk, when you expose your dreams to the light of day, you create endless possibility.
but how do you take that first step when every fiber in your being is shouting "danger! danger!" at the thought of opening yourself up to those dreams?
These are some things I've learned in the course of my journey. I am by no means an expert, I'm still figuring it out, and everything I say to you I am also saying to myself, over and over again.
Have faith that your dreams are strong enough to withstand whatever hurdles might be thrown in your path. Your dreams are not made of glass. They will not crack and break at the first sign of trouble. Think of them as getting calloused with each blow, only becoming stronger and harder to penetrate.
Focus on the dream, but don't be attached to the outcome. You may want to be a musician, so be the best musician you can be, but don't worry about whether or not you become famous or your album receives accolades. To do this is to have your success and happiness be dependent on others instead of from within.
Let go of any preconceived notions of what it should "look like". Don't try to restrain your dreams, let them run free. Let them lead you. You may find yourself doing things you never would have imagined. Let your dreams lead you to places that your safety-obsessed mind would never let you go.
The most dangerous, and loudest critic is yourself. The voice that tells you it will be too hard, that it's not worth it, that you have a one-in-a-million chance so why bother? That people will "look at you in a funny way". This is the voice that will break your dreams. And it lives right there next to where you are trying to hide them away and keep them safe. The only way to save them is to let them go.
One of my new favorite quotes is by Van Gogh: "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
So here goes: I want to write a book. I want to write many books. The ideal picture I have in my head is of me sitting next to an open window, sea breeze blowing the curtains next to my desk. A cup of coffee, a computer, or maybe a notebook and paper. Silence, thoughts, and getting lost in my own story.
So now you know where my secret heart is buried. I hope by sharing it, it will help you release your own.
Thanks for being an understanding ear.
I discovered this quote back in high school (don't ask me how many years ago!) and proceeded to tuck it away inside notebooks and journals. For a long time this summed up exactly how I related to my own hopes and dreams. I used to be afraid to talk about my passions, as if it would jinx it somehow. I treated them like precious pieces of glass that had to be protected from scrutinizing ears. I remember a time when I actually did tear up while talking to someone about my desire to be a writer. I felt completely naked and exposed, and I couldn't wait to run away and hide; to tuck my secret away again where it would be safe. The problem though is to keep your dreams locked away is to surely see them perish. Like Lenny, in "of Mice and Men", if you hold on too tightly it will die (Shout out to my eleventh grade English teacher).
Safety is a comfy place to be, but it's an illusion. It's something we create. There is never a guarantee that things will work out how you've planned, regardless of all of the precautions you have taken. I say this not to be paranoid, but to encourage you to free yourself from the cage that the illusion of safety creates. When you dare to take a risk, when you expose your dreams to the light of day, you create endless possibility.
but how do you take that first step when every fiber in your being is shouting "danger! danger!" at the thought of opening yourself up to those dreams?
These are some things I've learned in the course of my journey. I am by no means an expert, I'm still figuring it out, and everything I say to you I am also saying to myself, over and over again.
Have faith that your dreams are strong enough to withstand whatever hurdles might be thrown in your path. Your dreams are not made of glass. They will not crack and break at the first sign of trouble. Think of them as getting calloused with each blow, only becoming stronger and harder to penetrate.
Focus on the dream, but don't be attached to the outcome. You may want to be a musician, so be the best musician you can be, but don't worry about whether or not you become famous or your album receives accolades. To do this is to have your success and happiness be dependent on others instead of from within.
Let go of any preconceived notions of what it should "look like". Don't try to restrain your dreams, let them run free. Let them lead you. You may find yourself doing things you never would have imagined. Let your dreams lead you to places that your safety-obsessed mind would never let you go.
The most dangerous, and loudest critic is yourself. The voice that tells you it will be too hard, that it's not worth it, that you have a one-in-a-million chance so why bother? That people will "look at you in a funny way". This is the voice that will break your dreams. And it lives right there next to where you are trying to hide them away and keep them safe. The only way to save them is to let them go.
One of my new favorite quotes is by Van Gogh: "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
So here goes: I want to write a book. I want to write many books. The ideal picture I have in my head is of me sitting next to an open window, sea breeze blowing the curtains next to my desk. A cup of coffee, a computer, or maybe a notebook and paper. Silence, thoughts, and getting lost in my own story.
So now you know where my secret heart is buried. I hope by sharing it, it will help you release your own.
Thanks for being an understanding ear.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
to starting again
It's been three years since my last post. Three years! My first son was just a baby. Since then we've moved and had another baby boy, (Skylar Owen, 10 months). I've quit my singing gig, bought a mini van, and become entrenched in the full-time, stay-at-home-mom lifestyle.
It's easy to get discouraged after such a long absence. When you start, you're all inspired, consistency is easy. But just once you say, I'll get to it tomorrow. And then tomorrow turns into next week, next month, next year...and then after that long, what's the point? That's the thought that has kept me away for three years. Why is it so hard to start over?
I think I feel like I failed. I had an idea of what I wanted my writing and my blog to look like, and I am disappointed in myself that I couldn't keep up with it. It's easier to ignore it than to acknowledge my shortcomings, because that's what it takes to start over. You have to look back at what you did wrong, how you failed, swallow your pride, and move forward. You can't learn from your mistakes if you try to hide them away. No one is perfect, and it's never too late.
I remember a conversation with my mom awhile back where she was talking about someone who was thinking about going back to college. It went something like this:
-"but I'll be 30 and JUST finishing my bachelors degree"
mom: "and how old will you be if you don't go?"
-"30"
mom: "and you won't have a degree"
It's never too late. All it takes is the courage to start again. Hopefully when you take the first step, it's with more knowledge, humility, and determination.
Part of me wanted to create a completely different site and erase all of my previous posts from three years ago. But I think that's just my fear creeping in again. I know that I need to keep them there, if only to show how far I've come and to remind myself of what happens when I let the fear of failure run the agenda. I hope I can learn from the past and use it as fuel to move forward.
It's easy to get discouraged after such a long absence. When you start, you're all inspired, consistency is easy. But just once you say, I'll get to it tomorrow. And then tomorrow turns into next week, next month, next year...and then after that long, what's the point? That's the thought that has kept me away for three years. Why is it so hard to start over?
I think I feel like I failed. I had an idea of what I wanted my writing and my blog to look like, and I am disappointed in myself that I couldn't keep up with it. It's easier to ignore it than to acknowledge my shortcomings, because that's what it takes to start over. You have to look back at what you did wrong, how you failed, swallow your pride, and move forward. You can't learn from your mistakes if you try to hide them away. No one is perfect, and it's never too late.
I remember a conversation with my mom awhile back where she was talking about someone who was thinking about going back to college. It went something like this:
-"but I'll be 30 and JUST finishing my bachelors degree"
mom: "and how old will you be if you don't go?"
-"30"
mom: "and you won't have a degree"
It's never too late. All it takes is the courage to start again. Hopefully when you take the first step, it's with more knowledge, humility, and determination.
Part of me wanted to create a completely different site and erase all of my previous posts from three years ago. But I think that's just my fear creeping in again. I know that I need to keep them there, if only to show how far I've come and to remind myself of what happens when I let the fear of failure run the agenda. I hope I can learn from the past and use it as fuel to move forward.
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