30 going on 13

Last week I did something I've been talking about for years. A regular childhood milestone smack dab in the middle of adulthood.

I got my ears pierced!

I even got to hug the Clair Bear...not cause I was nervous or anything...I just wanted the full experience! ::cough cough:::

My parents never did the ear piercing thing for me, they wanted me to wait until I was old enough to decide for myself, which I completely appreciate. I remember using those little stickers and magnetic ones when I was really young, but it was just for play, and it was really more trouble than it was worth. I never felt a strong desire to have real earrings, even when my friends started to get pierced, at least not enough to actually go through with it. I never felt deprived or left out.

For one thing, I was always squeamish with needles (having two kids cured me of that!), another is that in the church community I grew up in it was somewhat of a taboo, and there were lots of other girls who didn't have their ears pierced, or dye their hair, or otherwise dramatically alter their physical appearance. The last, but biggest reason I never got my ears pierced, though, was that by the time I was old enough to decide for myself, I was in those awkward pre-teen years, and terribly self-conscious about my ears! I thought they were way too big and I hated how they stuck out. I always tried to wear my hair down to hide them. When I had to wear a baseball cap on my softball team, I would tuck them into the cap rather then let them stick out. Anything that would draw more attention to my ears was a big NO. I wore the occasional clip-on, mostly when I was performing on stage or dressed up for an event, but I didn't even wear earrings at my wedding.

I remember admitting my ear phobia to my husband before we were married, and he was shocked, he said, "I love your ears, they're my favorite feature!"

Being able to see myself through his eyes, was a huge turning point, and in the years since I have mostly shed those insecurities. It's strange how we see ourselves, and how different it can be from what others actually see.

I went to Clair's for my piercing with one of my good friends that I've known since before high school, and confided to her this little detail. She too thought I was crazy, "I would have never thought that about you!" Looking in the mirror now, or these pictures, I have to agree. I love my new bling! and I love being comfortable in my skin, loving the parts of myself that I didn't always appreciate.

I made up my mind to get my ears pierced for my 30th birthday (it happened about 8 months later because I'm a procrastinator). It seemed like a fitting way to usher in a new decade of my life, and to not just have a cultural experience that I missed out on in childhood, but to mark my journey of self acceptance and love.

Hello beautiful....oh wait, that's me!

We all have things about ourselves we wish we could change, but sometimes it's because our own viewpoint is just too dark and blurry. Try to see yourself through a loved one's eyes, and the picture will suddenly be much brighter.

"Ain't that work?"

Illustration from Tom Sawyer
The Mark Twain House, Hartford

“What do you call work?”

“Why, ain’t that work?”

Tom resumed his whitewashing, and answered carelessly:

“Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Tom Sawyer.”

Do you remember that scene in "Tom Sawyer", where Tom convinces all the neighborhood boys to whitewash the fence?

Despite the fact that it doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the plot, and there are plenty of more exciting scenes in this adventure, it's one of the most memorable.

Of course it has all the great skill of Twain as a writer and a satirist, and it perfectly illustrates Tom's clever but mischievous character, but I think we love it most, because it's a trick. We laugh at how Tom convinces his friends that whitewashing the fence is a great game, when of course we know it's work. They are being played, and we laugh at how Tom brilliantly executes the con, leaning back in the shade, admiring his work, children begging and offering gifts to have the next turn.

I have found myself running cons, "Okay! time to clean up the toys! who can do it faster? on your mark..."

Whistle while you work, a spoonful of sugar, and all that nonsense.

My two year old is always eager to help me sweep, he gets out his own little broom and dust pan, and I've randomly found my older one arranging pillows on the couch. It's true, kids love games, and when they are young, they don't know the difference between work and play. Everything is play. Especially in that stage where they want to copy everything you do. So when does it become work? and how do they learn?

Unfortunately, probably much sooner than we would like, and most likely they learn it from us; from every time we groan at having to do the dishes, every sigh at taking out the trash, every whine about folding laundry. It's no secret that we are the model, the eyes through which our children learn how to see the world.

It's good psychology, chores need to get done, children like to play, make the chores into a game! We trick them.

But...

maybe we're the ones being tricked. After all, how wonderful would it be to feel excited about putting away the toys; how lovely to play a game, how pleasant to live in the moment and enjoy your "work".

Tom may have played a trick on the other children, but the children still had fun, and the fence got painted. Everyone wins.

I'm trying an experiment, maybe it's not enough to "trick" my kids into doing their chores. Maybe I need to trick myself too. Stop the complaining, especially in those moments when you think they are not listening because that's always when they are. Maybe, if I pretend long enough, I can recapture some of that play for myself.

Just don't tell my kids it's work! Maybe it will take them a little longer to be tricked, when I'm the one who needs to learn.

"Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it – namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. If he had been a great and wise philosopher, like the writer of this book, he would now have comprehended that Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and that Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."

If you don't have your copy of Tom Sawyer handy and need a refresher, or just a little nostalgia, you can read the full scene here:  http://www.pbs.org/marktwain/learnmore/writings_tom.html

Drops in a bucket

It has been a crazy few weeks, a crazy few days. But it has also been a unique time for reflection. I feel like lessons have been pouring down on me, trials of faith, hardship, loss, all bring the gift of wisdom if we choose to receive them that way.

I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights, and in my sleep deprived, under caffeinated state, I can't quite bring myself to piece together a long and thoughtful post. So instead I want to share with you just a few drops of wisdom, things I have been thinking about and reflecting on in the last few days. I don't think they need much extrapolation except for in whatever way you might apply them to your own life, because isn't that what matters anyway?

The accompanying pictures are from this past Saturday when the family and I spent the day at a farm picking apples and peaches. Enjoy!

Do not make idols of men, or put people up on a pedestal. Men will falter and fall short, as we all do. When my faith is in God and not the works of men, including my own, then it is strong and unshakable.

The most important thing, and the most valuable thing I ever learned was how to Love, and the meaning of REAL Love. I would gladly trade my college degree for that. That kind of education is priceless and precious.

Never judge. Only God knows the path that someone else has had to walk. All of life is a mirror, when we judge others we judge ourselves.

If you get mud thrown in your face, do not throw it back, but do not hide your emotions either. Let yourself feel pain, so that you can move quickly to a place of compassion, forgiveness, and peace.

It is not a burden to serve others, but a precious gift. If you are lucky enough to be well situated in life, it is your honor, not your duty, to give of yourself whether it be your money, time, or love.

Let the sunshine in

As I was straightening up the house the other day I decided to wash all of the windows and mirrors. With the constant parade of laundry, dishes, and child-based messes, this is a chore I get around to every couple of months if that. It's a simple thing, and doesn't take that much elbow grease, but it's amazing what a difference it makes. You don't even realize how compromised your view was until you are suddenly staring through a crystal clear window.

It made me think about how we all have metaphorical smudges, things that keep us from seeing the world clearly. It could be anger or resentment, maybe a grudge we are holding. Maybe it's something we have been ignoring or putting off, like a hard conversation, or finally starting that exercise routine, or quitting smoking. Maybe it's our own beliefs about who we are, how we are unworthy or not good enough. Maybe it's the judgements we make about other people, expecting them to be perfect or live up to our own standards that even we fall short of. More than likely, it's a combination of many things that accumulate over time. And just like the dirty windows, after a certain point we stop noticing the smudges, and it becomes the filter through which we see the world. We may not even know what we are missing until we take the time to wipe the windows clean. Who knew the glass could be so clear? The sun could shine so bright?

Camp Shehaqua: Day 1-2

How beautiful to be out in nature and to be with so many wonderful people! Since I'm here with young children, I find myself with even more free time than normal. As many people as there are, in the afternoons everyone is spread out over the camp with different activities. It leaves the main areas relatively quiet. In a way it would be nice to participate in some of the activities, but I've found ways to pass the time.

While the boys were playing in the sand box I found a nice level spot of grass to do some yoga. I love doing yoga outside, sans mat, there is something so freeing and energizing about it. Even though by the end the boys were trying to climb on my back during down-dog to get a horsie ride, it was nice while it lasted!

The Dinner Line

Meal times are always a bit chaotic with the crowds. I usually try to jump in line first or take a few things from the salad bar so that the kids can eat right away. At dinner, I got the kids all set up with my husband and then decided to go back in line to get food for him and I. I made my way to the back of the line, and even though several people offered to let me go ahead of them, I decided to wait it out. Actually, at this point waiting in line felt like a luxury. No squirmy baby in my arms or three year old darting in and out of the line. I felt completely content to move slowly and make conversation with the people standing next to me. It's really all about how we look at things. How many times have I gotten annoyed about waiting in line? In lines much smaller than this! But here, waiting in line feels like freedom, peace, like walking a labyrinth. It really makes it apparent that we have the ability to choose how we react to the circumstances we are given, and not let the circumstances themselves dictate our emotions. I will try to harness that feeling the next time I find my patience growing thin with a slow clerk at the grocery store!

I don't have hours or even minutes some days to sit in lotus and chant, but waiting in that dinner line was like a meditation; just being able to slow down, focus on the present moment, and be free for awhile from all the fast, frenetic, little boy energy. If we are present, anything we do can be a meditation. Anything we do can be a prayer. Sometimes it will be the most unexpected moment, the simplest thing, like standing in line for dinner, that creates the space for us to receive peace. The tiny moments are meaningful, every moment can be special.

God is talking to us all the time in these little moments. There is a story from right here at Camp Shehaqua where someone gave a testimony about how they found God in a bug. Maybe that fly that is buzzing around your head is really God trying to get your attention. God isn't always a big booming voice, more often than not, he shows up in the little things, and is easy to find if we just take the time to notice.

Safe and Sound

The boys after a long day

I know you may have been expecting the follow-up post to my previous one, and that's what I was expecting to write, but life, as it does, threw me a curve ball. So I'm just going to go with it.

Yesterday we were in a car accident. We were hit on the side by a driver who ran a stop sign through the intersection. The kids were in the car, as well as my mom who was visiting from Pennsylvania. It was scary, but no one was hurt. Everyone was wearing seat belts and the kids were strapped into the car seats. The other driver was apologetic, (I can't imagine what he must have felt like hitting a whole family full of crying kids!) I've been lucky to have not been involved in many accidents in my life, and so if it had to happen, I couldn't have asked for better luck.

Thank goodness we were driving a big minivan instead of our old little ford focus that we traded in only a few months ago. Thank goodness that we bought top of the line car seats for the kids, and the airbags and safety features of our car did what they were supposed to do.

It's a big headache, it's stressful, I have a sore neck and bruise on my collarbone. I've been on the phone with insurance, rental car, and tow service for more time than I would like, and the paper work is never ending. Still, my strongest feeling is of gratitude. I'm thankful that we came out of it relatively unscathed. I was grateful that my mom was there, not that she was involved in the accident, but for her help and moral support. Miles got to ride in an ambulance, and the kids played with a tennis ball in the lobby of the police station while we waited for our ride (thanks Baba!)

This morning I went to pick up our rental, luckily it's close by so I just walked there while my husband watched the kids (thanks for helping and going in late to work!) It's unusually cool for June, but I've kind of been digging the rainy weather. It feels refreshing, and it reminds me of summer camp and the countryside that I grew up in. The smell of wet earth and grass somehow always brings me back to that relaxing space. It was nice to get out and walk. I don't know when the last time was that I got to take a walk by myself with just my thoughts. It's a nice way to start the day, even if under not the greatest of circumstances. While walking, I remembered something that I learned while living in Rome during college: Umbrella-sidewalk etiquette. The streets are so narrow that when it rains and everyone is carrying umbrellas, the person who is taller has to lift their umbrella so that the other person can pass underneath. It's an unspoken, quirky little dance, but it made me smile to think of it.

Life goes on, things happen, and we get through. It's not what happens, but how we deal with it that matters. We can either complain about the rain, or dance in it.