5 Mantras Every Parent Should Know

It’s no secret that parenting is hard, it’s a 24/7 job that offers little acknowledgement and no glamour. Some days, you just need a little help to get through. Over the years, I've developed (and stolen) some helpful sayings that keep me going and remind me that it's a beautiful and privileged journey:

This Too Shall Pass

Kids grow so fast, just when you think you've got it down, they flip the script and you have to learn it all over again. The good news is, that everything is a phase— they eventually sleep through the night, get dressed by themselves, and learn to use the toilet. The bad news is, everything is a phase. They’ll stop asking for a bedtime story and leave for school without a hug. This mantra is a double edged sword. It reminds us that the difficult parts don’t last forever and better days are right around the corner. It also reminds us to put things in perspective and not to take the joyful moments for granted. Sure, it’s exhausting to have a baby wake you up during the night, but those midnight snuggles are precious and fleeting.

http://www.chaimbentorah.com/2014/01/word-study-pass-2/

You have to laugh or you’ll cry

This is for the inevitable moments when your kids destroy all of your favorite things. If you are about to have a baby just take my advice, pack up anything you even remotely care about, and put it into storage for the next 18 years. Also, never buy a white rug. Even with this precaution, your cute little cherub will still manage to make trouble. This mantra reminds me that there is a choice when you see your kid’s dump out an entire bag of sugar, you can get upset, or you can laugh (and grab a camera). Laughing does not teach your kids that it’s okay to make a mess or break things, you can still make them help you clean it up, but it does show them (and reminds you) that things don’t matter in the long run, they do.

Say it with a song

When I’m late for an appointment and I need to get out the door, 

when the kids won’t eat their dinner and they throw it on the floor, 

when it’s time to clean up toys but they still want to play, 

say it with a song and the work becomes a game! 

I’m no Mary Poppins, I can’t snap my fingers to clean up the nursery (this is my “if you could have any superpower” wish), but I can make up silly songs about whatever I want the kids to do, and it really is a kind of magic. I know you feel stupid, but trust me, it works. I have to give props to Yo Gabba Gabba here, who taught me you could make up a song about anything:

treat yo self

A reminder to take care of yourself, and to celebrate little victories. Got the kids to bed on time? Treat yo self! Got all the laundry done? Treat yo self! Survive a holiday weekend with house guests and hyper kids? Girl, you better treat yo self! A bubble bath, an extra cup of coffee, a new pair of earrings...whatever revives or lights you up a little bit. My personal fave is a binge session with Netflix and my secret stash of chocolate (shhh!)

I'm alive

As wonderful as being a parent can be, and as helpful as all those other mantras and advice are, there are some days when the only thing you can be grateful for is that you are still alive, (and so are the kids!). Hey, that’s okay. Tomorrow is another day, and being alive is pretty great.

Confessions of a Sleep Deprived Mom

As I write this, I am lying next to my youngest son in his toddler size bed, balancing my laptop on my knees, sharing a Lightning McQueen blanket. I try to take to heart the secret that all wise women a decade or so ahead of me know: “enjoy it. It goes so fast.” I know that in a few years they will lock me out of their bedrooms, and not let me hug them in public.

My mother in law once told me, “you love your kids the most when they are sleeping.” How true. When my son was a baby, I used to sit and watch his eyelids bob up and down in that sleepy dance, and witness the exact moment when he finally relaxed into dreams. It’s the most glorious thing, a deep exhale. Everything seems right with the world when my kids are tucked in their beds where I know they are safe. In that moment, it doesn’t matter how I got them to sleep. It doesn’t matter if I’m a working, a stay at home, a helicopter, attachment, green, vegan, ferber, or any other qualifier we feel the need to put in front of the part that really matters: Mom.

Sleep is the white whale of parenting— elusive, enticing, driving us all to madness. Through the six years I have been lucky enough to be called “Mama,” the most important piece of advice I have ever gotten has been, “trust yourself.” There are an infinite number of books, articles, message boards, and well meaning friends that will offer all sorts of conflicting advice. At the end of the day, you will have to put your hand on your heart and decide which ones feel true for you, let everything else go, and know that you are still going to screw it up sometimes.

With that in mind, I present to you a small glance at my journey of chasing after the white whale. These are my confessions:

credit: liikennevalo via photopin cc

1. The first time I knew I had no idea what I was doing as a parent, was the night I brought my son home from the hospital and realized I didn’t know how to put him to sleep.
2. I had read ten pregnancy books but didn’t even know there was such a thing as different methods for getting baby to sleep through the night.
3. We first started co-sleeping because I kept getting up to check that my son was still breathing. The bassinet on the other side of the room felt miles away.
4. Sometimes when he would wake up early I would put on baby einstein videos and be able to get an extra half-hour of sleep while he sat mesmerized in front of the tv.
5. My doctor told me that nursing him to sleep was a bad habit. I did it anyway.
6. I used to take two hour naps with him laying on my chest.
7. Everything revolved around nap time.
8. Co-sleeping was wonderful.
9. Co-sleeping was awful.
10. My two boys who are now 3 and 6 have their own bunk bed, but we still all sleep in the same room.
11. Every article on facebook tells me how important sleep is and it’s infuriating.
12. Sometimes I let my 3 year old watch videos on my iphone until he falls asleep.
13. Sometimes I let my 6 year old sleep in my bed.
14. My 3 year old still finds it comforting to reach into my shirt and rest his tiny hand on one of my breasts, or “nummas” as he calls them. He often falls asleep this way.
15. I have spent many hours and lots of gas waiting for children to fall asleep while circling the block in the car.
16. I feel exhausted just hearing the phrase, “sleep training.”
17. I envy mothers that kiss good-night, close the door, and go on with their evening, but I’ve never felt compelled enough to try and be one.
18. A rustle of blankets is enough to wake me up at 2am.
19. In the morning, the boys pile onto my bed (if they are not already sleeping there) and immediately start wrestling and rolling around like puppies. Sometimes I laugh, and sometimes I hide under my pillow and try not to get kicked in the face.
20. I like to imagine that we are all just figuring it out as we go along. It feels good to throw up my hands and say, “fine, one more cartoon before bed.”
21. I don’t want to hear about your baby that has slept twelve hours straight since the moment they were born.
22. I do want to know what show you binge watch after the kids go to bed, or what book you are reading, or wine you are drinking.
23. I still live for that moment when the eyelids close and their breath becomes deep and rhythmic and I’m free to do whatever I want, including linger a few more minutes and tell myself I’m the luckiest mom in the world.

* This post first appeared on Mogul, a women's website where I am now a contributing writer!