I've been seeing a chiropractor twice a week ever since my car accident in June. The thing about Chiropractic care is that it's slow. It takes months, sometimes years to repair damage. Whether it's years of neglect or one massive moment of trauma, there is no quick fix. Healing takes time.
There's this poster in his office that says, "How you feel is not a good indicator of wellness." Every couple of months they pull out their fancy instruments and do a nerve scan to see which nerves are being pinched by the misalignment in my neck and spine. It's been awhile since I have had any major symptoms--I can sleep without pain, pick up the kids, and lug the trash out to the curb--but that damn nerve scan still shows up red in several places, meaning that there is still a long road of healing ahead. We don't always know the extent of our injury or hurt until we start trying to do something about it. Once the healing process begins, the more you uncover.
It's the same with emotional, or spiritual healing. We have to check in with ourselves every so often, and uncover those hidden hurts so that they don't become BIG hurts. And when they do, well, it just takes time.
We don't go to the dentist only when our tooth starts hurting, we check in every six months, and we brush our teeth every day. So why wait until life throws us a curve ball to examine our lives?
The past few weeks have been stressful, and I do my best to find the lessons in all of the challenges, but some days it just feels so heavy that all I want to do is hide under the covers and escape. I want to wait there until someone comes along to fix it all, to give me an answer to, "will I have to move?", "Can we afford daycare this month?", "Is everything going to be okay?"
And yet...
As much as I would love to have someone swoop in and fix it all, I am the one who is responsible for my own healing. Sure, I can check in, but I have to do my part, brush those teeth every day. If I stay and wait for someone else, then I have no power. If I think that I need an apology or an explanation, it only keeps me stuck there under those blankets. We are not always responsible for what happens to us, but we are responsible for how we react to it. We are responsible for our own healing.
Healing takes time, it takes consistency, and it takes honesty.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sticks and Stones
That rhyme may comfort a five year old, but I think a truer adage is:
"the pen is mightier than the sword"
Words are important. Emotional wounds cut so much deeper and last long after the physical pain is gone. Sometimes we put it away, thinking it is gone for good, only to find that there is still a splinter left there, and the farther we dig, the deeper down it goes, an endless cavity of hurt and betrayal.
What we say to each other, and how we say it, especially in the age of the internet where everything is recorded, matters.
a friend of mine posted some advice to writers awhile back that went something like this:
before you publish anything:
1. pray
2. read what you have written more than once and ask if what you have said can be interpreted or misunderstood in any way
3. edit
4. ask a trusted person to read it and ask for honest feedback
5. edit
6. pray some more
7. edit, edit, edit!
8. publish at your own risk
(these were not the exact words, I sort of made up my own version of how I remember it, but it's the basic gist.)
Once we put something out there it is no longer just yours. Our words are at the mercy of how others hear them, through the filter of their own experiences, judgments, and uniqueness. Still, we are responsible for whatever we are putting out into the universe. Our words have the power to give great healing and comfort, but also to cause pain and destruction.
You can't please everyone all of the time, and you'd be doomed to make your writing depend on what others thought. But by checking our own motivations we can stand by our words knowing that we have acted with a heart of love and integrity. Then, when criticism comes, we are like a tree that does not break, but sways in the storm.
"the pen is mightier than the sword"
Words are important. Emotional wounds cut so much deeper and last long after the physical pain is gone. Sometimes we put it away, thinking it is gone for good, only to find that there is still a splinter left there, and the farther we dig, the deeper down it goes, an endless cavity of hurt and betrayal.
What we say to each other, and how we say it, especially in the age of the internet where everything is recorded, matters.
a friend of mine posted some advice to writers awhile back that went something like this:
before you publish anything:
1. pray
2. read what you have written more than once and ask if what you have said can be interpreted or misunderstood in any way
3. edit
4. ask a trusted person to read it and ask for honest feedback
5. edit
6. pray some more
7. edit, edit, edit!
8. publish at your own risk
(these were not the exact words, I sort of made up my own version of how I remember it, but it's the basic gist.)
Once we put something out there it is no longer just yours. Our words are at the mercy of how others hear them, through the filter of their own experiences, judgments, and uniqueness. Still, we are responsible for whatever we are putting out into the universe. Our words have the power to give great healing and comfort, but also to cause pain and destruction.
You can't please everyone all of the time, and you'd be doomed to make your writing depend on what others thought. But by checking our own motivations we can stand by our words knowing that we have acted with a heart of love and integrity. Then, when criticism comes, we are like a tree that does not break, but sways in the storm.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Be careful what you wish for
When you ask God for courage, he gives you the opportunity to be courageous.
When you ask for peace, he gives you the chance to create it.
When you ask to know his heart, he shows you the pain as well as the Joy.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Drops in a bucket
It has been a crazy few weeks, a crazy few days. But it has also been a unique time for reflection. I feel like lessons have been pouring down on me, trials of faith, hardship, loss, all bring the gift of wisdom if we choose to receive them that way.
I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights, and in my sleep deprived, under caffeinated state, I can't quite bring myself to piece together a long and thoughtful post. So instead I want to share with you just a few drops of wisdom, things I have been thinking about and reflecting on in the last few days. I don't think they need much extrapolation except for in whatever way you might apply them to your own life, because isn't that what matters anyway?
The accompanying pictures are from this past Saturday when the family and I spent the day at a farm picking apples and peaches. Enjoy!
Do not make idols of men, or put people up on a pedestal. Men will falter and fall short, as we all do. When my faith is in God and not the works of men, including my own, then it is strong and unshakable.
The most important thing, and the most valuable thing I ever learned was how to Love, and the meaning of REAL Love. I would gladly trade my college degree for that. That kind of education is priceless and precious.
Never judge. Only God knows the path that someone else has had to walk. All of life is a mirror, when we judge others we judge ourselves.
If you get mud thrown in your face, do not throw it back, but do not hide your emotions either. Let yourself feel pain, so that you can move quickly to a place of compassion, forgiveness, and peace.
It is not a burden to serve others, but a precious gift. If you are lucky enough to be well situated in life, it is your honor, not your duty, to give of yourself whether it be your money, time, or love.
I haven't slept well for the past couple of nights, and in my sleep deprived, under caffeinated state, I can't quite bring myself to piece together a long and thoughtful post. So instead I want to share with you just a few drops of wisdom, things I have been thinking about and reflecting on in the last few days. I don't think they need much extrapolation except for in whatever way you might apply them to your own life, because isn't that what matters anyway?
The accompanying pictures are from this past Saturday when the family and I spent the day at a farm picking apples and peaches. Enjoy!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Aboji
Many of you have heard the news, that the founder of my church, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, passed away on September 3rd at 93 years old (Korea time).
Followers had been offering prayers and conditions for his health, ever since he entered the hospital almost two weeks ago. Many prayed for a miracle, but it is God's will be done, not ours.
When I first got the news, I lit a candle and said a short prayer for a safe journey. The whole day my facebook page was full of pictures and stories, statements of gratitude and love. I didn't have much time to reflect though while attending to the kids and getting ready for the start of the school week today. Later in the day I got a call from a reporter and was interviewed for the local paper. I got a little choked up at one point when I was telling her some of the stories and memories I had of seeing Father, but it still didn't really sink in. I was in an intilectual place of, "well we knew he was sick, he lived a long life, it was time, God bless".
The next morning, before I even got out of bed, I immediately had this feeling like the world had completely turned upside down.
It may seem strange for some people, to grieve over this man. But you see, he is the reason that my parents are married. Without that I would not exist. My husband would not exist, and neither would our beautiful children. Thousands of people can say the same thing. Even if that was the only thing he had accomplished (spoiler alert: it's not!), it would be a tremendous legacy.
I have never known a time when he wasn't here. Suddenly, on that morning, the world felt different because of his absence.
I had been working on a different post this weekend and decided to do some writing. I sat down and played a TED talk video that I was basing it on. It is an inspiring video about a man who documented the democratic elections in Ghana. As I watched and listened to this man's story again, I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't just the story (I had watched the video several times already), but it was this intense feeling of empathy and longing; of love for another human being, and the common human experience. I felt his pain, his triumph, his heart, I understood him, not just intellectually, but as if he WERE me.
When I was a little girl, I used to have experiences where I would just start crying for no reason. Or I would see something that made me sad, like a lost pet or a friend's parents getting divorced, and I would dissolve into sobs for an hour, a kind of grief that I couldn't explain. Once when I woke up crying in the middle of the night, my Mother told me, "you are feeling the heart of God, he is sharing his heart with you."
Not since I was a little girl have I experienced it, until now. That's what I felt when I watched the video. I can't help but think that the recent events, perhaps Father Moon's spirit, has opened up that child like part of me, that deep connection to the Divine that I learned to suppress as an adolescent and adult.
For the first time I see it as a gift, that I can love people deeply and see them from God's viewpoint, even though it is also painful.
The past week has been a mix of emotions. While many people have been sharing wonderful and inspiring stories, it is hard to avoid the negative comments that we all expected. I was starting to get really sad, reading the comments that people were posting at the ends of articles about the passing, and even Facebook posts from people who I have called friends, openly mocking a dying man. I felt deep pain, and struggled to forgive them for the words that I found hurtful and disrespectful.
Rev. Moon's daughter, In Jin Moon, gave a speech this past week to members while updating people on her father's health. In it she talked about her own struggles as a child to accept her father and she recounted an incident where she asked her mother, "How do we know? How do we know if he is a Messiah?" and Mother responded, "It is not your belief that makes him who he is, it is God that anoints. It is God that chooses"
In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what God thinks. My heart for people, a deep love for others, the ability to understand "real" love and not just some Hollywood version, the wonderful family I had growing up, a supportive faith community, my amazing husband, my precious children, are all gifts that Father Moon has given me.
To those that still hold some animosity towards Rev. Moon, let this be a release for you, because as the Buddha says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."
It is time to put on our thick skins, and embrace those that hurt us, the way Father did to the man who once imprisoned him. To love our enemies as Jesus taught, and maybe to realize that there really are no enemies, only our brothers and sisters, only ourselves, all part of the same human family, the same Heavenly Parent.
I love you all, may God be with you and your family.
Followers had been offering prayers and conditions for his health, ever since he entered the hospital almost two weeks ago. Many prayed for a miracle, but it is God's will be done, not ours.
When I first got the news, I lit a candle and said a short prayer for a safe journey. The whole day my facebook page was full of pictures and stories, statements of gratitude and love. I didn't have much time to reflect though while attending to the kids and getting ready for the start of the school week today. Later in the day I got a call from a reporter and was interviewed for the local paper. I got a little choked up at one point when I was telling her some of the stories and memories I had of seeing Father, but it still didn't really sink in. I was in an intilectual place of, "well we knew he was sick, he lived a long life, it was time, God bless".
(You can read the article here)
The next morning, before I even got out of bed, I immediately had this feeling like the world had completely turned upside down.
It may seem strange for some people, to grieve over this man. But you see, he is the reason that my parents are married. Without that I would not exist. My husband would not exist, and neither would our beautiful children. Thousands of people can say the same thing. Even if that was the only thing he had accomplished (spoiler alert: it's not!), it would be a tremendous legacy.
I have never known a time when he wasn't here. Suddenly, on that morning, the world felt different because of his absence.
I had been working on a different post this weekend and decided to do some writing. I sat down and played a TED talk video that I was basing it on. It is an inspiring video about a man who documented the democratic elections in Ghana. As I watched and listened to this man's story again, I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't just the story (I had watched the video several times already), but it was this intense feeling of empathy and longing; of love for another human being, and the common human experience. I felt his pain, his triumph, his heart, I understood him, not just intellectually, but as if he WERE me.
When I was a little girl, I used to have experiences where I would just start crying for no reason. Or I would see something that made me sad, like a lost pet or a friend's parents getting divorced, and I would dissolve into sobs for an hour, a kind of grief that I couldn't explain. Once when I woke up crying in the middle of the night, my Mother told me, "you are feeling the heart of God, he is sharing his heart with you."
Not since I was a little girl have I experienced it, until now. That's what I felt when I watched the video. I can't help but think that the recent events, perhaps Father Moon's spirit, has opened up that child like part of me, that deep connection to the Divine that I learned to suppress as an adolescent and adult.
For the first time I see it as a gift, that I can love people deeply and see them from God's viewpoint, even though it is also painful.
The past week has been a mix of emotions. While many people have been sharing wonderful and inspiring stories, it is hard to avoid the negative comments that we all expected. I was starting to get really sad, reading the comments that people were posting at the ends of articles about the passing, and even Facebook posts from people who I have called friends, openly mocking a dying man. I felt deep pain, and struggled to forgive them for the words that I found hurtful and disrespectful.
Rev. Moon's daughter, In Jin Moon, gave a speech this past week to members while updating people on her father's health. In it she talked about her own struggles as a child to accept her father and she recounted an incident where she asked her mother, "How do we know? How do we know if he is a Messiah?" and Mother responded, "It is not your belief that makes him who he is, it is God that anoints. It is God that chooses"
In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it only matters what God thinks. My heart for people, a deep love for others, the ability to understand "real" love and not just some Hollywood version, the wonderful family I had growing up, a supportive faith community, my amazing husband, my precious children, are all gifts that Father Moon has given me.
To those that still hold some animosity towards Rev. Moon, let this be a release for you, because as the Buddha says, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."
It is time to put on our thick skins, and embrace those that hurt us, the way Father did to the man who once imprisoned him. To love our enemies as Jesus taught, and maybe to realize that there really are no enemies, only our brothers and sisters, only ourselves, all part of the same human family, the same Heavenly Parent.
I love you all, may God be with you and your family.
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