creating the kingdom

First of all I want to apologize for taking such a long hiatus from posting. Last week we were on vacation at camp where internet access was is sketchy at best. I hope to make up for it this week though with all of the notes and pictures I took while there!

I have been going to family camp since I was about 12, and now going with my own children is just amazing and a bit surreal. There is an inevitable low that comes when that week is over, part exhaustion, part having to say good-bye. We made it back Friday afternoon and I took the boys to the park to stretch our legs from the long car ride. I immediately lamented the change in local. Not just the surroundings of camp, which are beautiful, but the spirit and community there. At camp, Miles would hurry to eat his lunch so he could go back outside and play; running around the field, climbing trees, or playing in the sand box, no matter where he was I knew he was safe, because even if I wasn't there watching, someone else was.

The mentality there is that all the children are like our own children, all the adults look after everyone else's child, and all the children treat each other like brother and sister. I've always thought that being at camp was like a little taste of what the kingdom of heaven would be like. Everyone together as one family. Wouldn't it be great to live like that all the time? It makes you want to channel Thoreau and strike out for a cabin in the woods--of course in this version it would be with about a hundred of your closest friends and relatives! But even that would inevitably turn sour I think, because we are not perfect people. After a few weeks our fallen natures would start to show and start rubbing up against one another. I know I'm far from perfect. I get impatient, stressed, angry. I take things out on the people I love. I can be judgmental and selfish. Some people think that if you are concerned with spiritual things that you somehow manage things better, that you don't have these types of issues. I remember before i started meditating I thought of anyone who did it as having some sort of supernatural power to float above all of the problems, that they were somehow better at life in general. How wrong I was! I sometimes feel like I have been given these tools because I am the one who needs them the most! Anyway, the point is, It's not the setting that makes paradise, it's who you have to share it with.

Back at the park, Miles tried to play with a couple of kids a few years older than him. They were playing a game where they had a "club house", which was basically one whole side of the playground equipment. Except they wouldn't let anyone else in their club house, so when Miles wanted to play with them or to go down the slide on that side they told him to "get out of our clubhouse! you can't come in!" My Mama bear reflexes stirred, but I reminded myself that they were just children themselves and tried to use it as a teachable moment. I convinced Miles to make his own clubhouse on the other side and that we would let anyone come in (even the "mean kids", if they promised to be nice).

Eventually we have to go back to the real world. As much as we would like to stay in that little bubble, until we can actually make that society on the grand scale, we will have to be ready to deal with bullies, egos (other people's and our own!), and real evil. We always tell the kids at camp to take the lessons and the spirit home with them.

I hope to do that too. I hope that I can create that feeling of safety, love, and joy, and a true connection with God, in my own home, so that it can be like a spiritual armor when we inevitably venture outside the safety of its walls. Perhaps if we can harness that spirit, we can help it start to spread to other homes, families, neighborhoods, and of course the park.

Sacred Spaces

The family and I spent the weekend camping. but it's not just any camp. It's the place I have been spending summers since kindergarten. It's where I made lifelong friendships, and honed my life-guarding skills. It's where I first met my husband. Camp Sunrise, in Harrimin State Park, NY will always hold a special place in my heart.

I love camping in general, but there is a certain spirit there. Driving up the hill and walking along the paths, memories came trickling back like a cool summer rain. When I propped my feet up on the bed in our cabin, I felt my whole body melt into the ground, as if I had become part of the camp itself. It's not just a familiar place, it's a sacred place, a "home away from home."

We spend a lot of time in our heads, but there is something about being in a particular physical place that helps to slow down the thoughts and find peace. We all have these places. Maybe it's in nature, like at camp or at the ocean (another one of my sacred spots). Maybe it's a favorite cafe downtown. It could be as simple as your favorite comfy chair in your own house. Whatever it is, if you are feeling stressed, or overwhelmed, try changing your space and see if that doesn't help ease your mind. If nothing comes to mind, perhaps it's time to create a new sacred space!

Spiritual people spend lots of energy on the internal, which is good. But we are mind AND body. The two are completely intertwined. Just as our internal state manifests itself in the physical, our physical environment can have a profound effect on our spirit. What does your sacred space look like? How can we make our everyday environment more of a sacred space?

The BIG Story

I picked up a book at the library a few weeks ago called "Spiritual Parenting". The concept peeked my interest because I often think about how to instill spiritual values in my children. The author, a Christian, talks in the beginning about how most Christian children are educated about the Bible when they are young. Most of the time they hear bits and pieces, random stories (Noah's arc, Moses, the birth of Jesus, etc.), and not necessarily in chronological order. She said that while these stories have value on their own, the real power of the Bible is the BIG story. When all these stories are put into context, they become part of a much grander story, the work of God throughout the generations to bring about a savior to the earth. Jesus becomes the hero in an epic tale of good vs. evil, and his promise to return again helps them see where they fit into the big picture.

My first thought when reading this was, "wow, that actually IS how I was taught about the Bible." Thank you, Providence of Restoration*.

Second, I thought about what it means to have a BIG Story as an individual. We often cannot see how our present moment is shaping our future, how the things we are going through, or investing in now, may manifest down the road. We often don't notice in the moment how God is working, or how the Universe is guiding us behind the scenes.

When I look back at specific times in my life, my relationship with my husband for example, I can see how God worked to prepare us for each other, how he was orchestrating everything way before we knew. Why should now be any different? We cannot see it just yet because we are too close, but that's what faith is. We don't know how things will turn out, but faith is trusting that God is always there watching over us. Faith is trusting in the process and knowing that we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves.

What is your BIG Story? Hint: it's not over yet!




*Providence of Restoration: refers to the Chapters in the Divine Principle that talk about how God worked to restore humanity after the fall of Adam and Eve to bring about a foundation for Jesus to come to earth. All of the stories in the Bible play a role in laying the foundation for the Messiah.

Crabby Crab

I've always identified with my astrological sign, Cancer; intuitive, sensitive, creative, oh yeah, and moody. I like and enjoy being with people, but sometimes I need to hide in my shell and block it all out. It's a safe place, or at least it's supposed to be. This weekend, in the middle of a lovely gathering, I started feeling the need to retreat. I just wanted to get away, I didn't want to talk to anyone else, even though they were all friends and great people. I was just itching for solitude, for my cozy, safe, shell.

The next day it was like living in a fog. My energy was sucked completely dry. Just walking up and down the stairs made me exhausted. Everything around me seemed to scream how I was failing. The dishes in the sink confronted me; the pile of laundry accused me; the unchecked to-do list judged me. It was hard for me to think clearly or communicate, the only clear feeling was that of being overwhelmed. I don't know if any other crabs experience this, but I've learned that it's part of my nature and the way I deal with stress and emotions. My shell is not just a place of retreat, it's also the perfect little container for all of my worries, stresses, and anxieties. Because of this I often have a sort of double life. I present one face to the world, of being happy and upbeat, but really, all those negative feelings are just being hidden away. So when I go back to my shell, instead of a quiet, peaceful place for me to recharge, I am met with all of those things I was trying to get away from. I know from personal experience that the bottling up eventually overflows, and yet it's hard to break the habit. It's so ingrained that it's effortless, and most of the time I don't even know I'm doing it.

I have these days from time to time, but it's been awhile. It actually came as a bit of a shock, it was like my "old" self came knocking and said, "I'm still here, you can't get rid of me". It's easy to get a bit self-righteous when you are on the path of bettering yourself; practicing being mindful, doing things like yoga, meditation, and looking at the positives in life. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you've mastered it. But life throws a curve ball just to make sure we don't get too arrogant. It's a good reminder that we are never done growing. That the "problems" in life don't go away, we just learn how to deal with them better. There are still things I have to work on in myself. There always will be.

That night before bed, even though the day was already over, I decided I had had enough. I laid down on my pillow and just focused on my breath. A simple two minute meditation. I looked over at my baby boy, Skylar, who was passed out next to me and it all started to melt away. I don't know of anything more peaceful or more joyful than a sleeping child!

God gives us lessons through our struggles, but he has also given us everything we need to overcome them.

I'm in the process of doing some spring cleaning inside my shell, and filling it up with the peace and love that I deserve. After all, the sun is in Cancer, it's my month!

Independence Day

Today is the Fourth of July. It's my favorite holiday. Partly because it's the only holiday to fall right in the middle of my favorite season: Summer...and only 11 days away from my birthday too! I remember taking a blanket out to the park with my family and watching the fireworks. There are no pressures like Christmas to get and wrap gifts, no cooking like at Thanksgiving...even Halloween can be a bit stressful (especially if you have little kids). Nope, all you have to do on the 4th is go out and bask in the glow of the fireworks and the general good will and euphoria of those around you.

Even the most cynical of us can't help but be moved when "The Star Spangled Banner" is played over the explosion of lights and colors.

It's an election year, so the months ahead especially, will be a little nasty and divisive (at least if the current state of things is any predictor), but today we are all the same, Americans. All little kids staring in wonder at the beautiful lights, waving a flag and singing "God Bless America".

It's a good time to take a moment and be grateful. Grateful to be born or to live in a land of freedom. We have our own problems, and not everyone agrees on the way this country should be run, but our freedom to debate and to be a part of the process is what makes it so wonderful. We are fortunate that even the poorest among us, are better off than those in many other countries. We can be proud that our nation believes in giving back to the rest of the world whether it be through aid or service. We can feel honored and humbled by the fact that the rest of the world still largely looks to us for leadership.

The world is made up of countries. Countries of states, states of cities, cities of communities, communities of families, families of individuals.

Let me be the best I can be as an individual, to create the best family, to create the best community, state, country, and world.

Happy Independence Day!

"I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."

Nothing gets my blood boiling more than divisive arguments. All I have to do is scroll down to the comments section of an interesting article I just read online and quickly get sucked into a world of anonymous name calling, vitriol, and know-it-all rhetoric.

Though perhaps the most pervasive, it's not just on the internet, it's everywhere. From cable news and talk radio, to a couple fighting on the street. There will always be conflicting view points, but it seems like our society has hit a fever pitch when it comes to the volatility and frequency of the clash.

Maybe it's my training on a debate team, or just my personality that tends to be empathetic, but whenever there is an argument, I am that person in the comments section who either plays the devils advocate and tries to see the other side of the argument, or, I'm the one calling for both sides to just calm down and get along. I've discovered that most of this is fruitless though. Besides feeding our own egos, these kinds of discussions really don't do any good. It's a waste of time trying to change someone else's mind. They are just as convinced of their idea as you are of yours. When the need to be "right" over takes the need to communicate, all is lost. Sadly, that seems to be the way things turn nowadays.

I could never be in politics. I know many people who are smart, driven, and genuinely care about people and their country, but are completely turned off by the whole partisan game and broken system. Isn't it ironic that they might be the ones who could actually make a difference?

I read a response given by Eckart Tolle recently to a woman trying to navigate the different political viewpoints between her and her husband. In his response he quoted a Zen master, "Don't seek for the truth – just cease cherishing opinions".

He explained further that opinions, positions, perspectives, are just thoughts, and that we often take those on as an identity when they are not. It's just ego. In essence we build up a false identity consisting of all of our view points and judgments.

When someone comes along with a different opinion we feel offended. Why? because we have made that opinion our identity, so it feels like a personal attack on us. When we learn to identify with our True Identity, it is easy to exist in a world with opposing view points, because those views are no longer a threat to our identity. Imagine what we could do if people came to the table with this mentality? What problems could we solve? How many people could we help, including ourselves?

Sometimes the one with the solution is not the loudest voice in the room. Sometimes the best response is silence. Our voice is important, but it is a powerful weapon. We should learn to use it wisely and with compassion. Listening is an art. We often think we are listening, when really we hear only what we want to. It takes practice, respect, and a belief that others come to the table with the best of intentions. It takes knowing that we are not our thoughts or opinions.

My parents just celebrated their 30th Anniversary on Sunday. In a world where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it's nice to see people who are willing to stick it out for better or worse; To put aside the differences and focus on the places where they can work together. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. Here's hoping we can all learn a thing or two.